John and Dad

Mama PC

My dad thought a lot of John. Sometime the first week or so of January, they had a talk, and on January 15, 1981, John and I were at Denny's and we had a wonderful discussion of what WAS God's will for us...and how were we to find it. Dad had encouraged John to spend time in prayer and fasting. We agreed to spend a week apart from each other. I was SO excited about the prospect of finding God's will once the 7 days were up. Seven, six, five, four, three, two... one, times up and poof....... no,... John still had no definite word. I did. I knew I wanted to be with him forever. He wasn't sure what God was saying. So, we talked again (at Denny's again) and on January 15, we again decided to break up, this time for a whole MONTH!

I worked in the office of a large child care center at our church. There were large glass windows and each time John would walk by (he worked at the Christian School) he would totally keep his face fixed on the hallway and his path and would not even let his eyes stray toward me to show me any attention or affection. HOW COULD HE BE SO C O L D ??? HOW COULD HE BE SO DETERMINED??? HOW COULD HE BE SO MEAN??? Those were my outright thoughts.... but deep inside, the realization-that-I-could-trust-him seeds were being planted... for this was a man who kept his word.

During that month, my old boyfriend Dion called and wanted to come visit me. I said, "sure"... cause he was my friend, and was special to me...and was paying attention to me. He came for a weekend, and on that Saturday, Dion took me to a choir rehearsal and sat in the audience while John directed the whole hour and a half. JOHN NEVER EVEN NOTICED that Dion brought me, sat there looking at us, and then took me home!!! I thought that was horrible! Maybe John wasn't my type after all.

For Valentines Day of 1981, Dion wanted to come pick me up and drive me to Tulsa to his Valentines Banquet...and asked me to sing there. I was very happy about going, but felt unsure whether or not I should go. I didn't want to hurt John, but then again, John didn't seem at all affected about me and my other interests. So, I agreed to go to the banquet. I had to go and tell John the weekend before that I wouldn't be there the next Saturday at a choir seminar. I did not tell him what I was going to be doing, or where I was going. He didn't act affected. But, I found out later that he was very upset, thinking I was going to be going to a V banquet with Susie's old boyfriend whom she had just broken up with. They both were very upset!

Anyway, I decided to drive myself to Tulsa. While there, the first night, after the banquet, Dion reached over to kiss me and I had to stop him. I just COULD NOT kiss him! It hit me - dawned on me - that no matter what - I LOVED JOHN and I would WAIT FOREVER for him and his love for me. I told Dion that I did not belong there, and that I would be leaving the next morning. I told him that I loved someone else. I never heard from him again.

I drove home, smiling and happy the whole trip home, knowing that when the month fast was over, John would be mine. When I got home, I met with him and he didn't say anything about "us". When the month was up, I just knew he'd found his answer. Nope. He said on Feb 15th that he still didn't know any answers from God about "us".

That was so sad...