Well, Linds has married and flew the coop to her New ganda - Uganda....
I must honestly say that I am happy for her, for them....and know that they are where they need to be and want to be... where God has planned for them to be at this time in their life together... I can't wait to hear and see more... The trips I've taken to South Africa and Thailand have prepared me for what I can imagine they are involved in, and I am at peace with them there.
John's sister Norma died last week after a lengthy fight with Ole Cancer.... I still must say that I don't believe she's gone... but, then again, I know she is free from this old life...and free to fly with her Savior into heavenly realms and to be one with Him... so, I, though I still don't believe she's gone from here, am at peace with her being gone. Does that make sense?
The past few days, since we got back from the funeral in Oklahoma City, I've found myself almost "weepy"... I know it has to do with Lindsey leaving so quickly after marriage and Norma's home-going....plus the let-down after wedding plans plus the standing by while Linds packed and unpacked and repacked.... then helping that last morning.... Then taking them to the airport on Tuesday - then driving to OkCity that same night to be with John's sister's family to prepare for her funeral.... I've lost my daughter and a sister-friend....
I am giving myself the chance to weep - knowing that nothing is truly "wrong" with me.... but that my emotions are finally catching up... yes, you can pray with me or for me during this time... perhaps I need distracting... I keep thinking I should be "doing" something... but nothing seems worth doing.... nothing sounds fun... everything sounds dull or worthless to "do"... i think, well, i'll just go to sleep, but even that seems boring.... i must be what they called "depressed"...although in my heart and mind, I know that I'm okay and that everything is okay. Does that make sense? Depression doesn't have to be a bad state. Just a time when things that were all in a whirl and hoopla settle down and fall down to a reality-state.... when things settle can sometimes seem sad.... but, when in fact, are a time when I am getting rest.... I am glad to have time to rest and re-group and re-focus and re-..... member..... remember the days I had with my daughter.... the days I had with Norma - my sister-in-law....
I'm talking here because I have trouble verbalizing my feelings about this. My husband just looks at me when I tell him "I'm weepy". I don't want to worry my friends or family. I just want to express.... and cry..... and rest..... and just "be".... for a little while.... okay????
My baby son will turn 21 on Monday - now.... I'm getting old, don't cha think??? :-)
Soon grandbabies will be on the way.... and I look forward to it, whereever they are born :-)
Don't worry about me.... I'm truly fine
I have God's blessing on my life and His hand holding mine....
I will rest for just a while
While He carries me through
And then, before I know it....
He'll have more things for me to do!
I think cinnamon toast sounds good for dinner.....
and now.... you've seen a side of me that hardly anyone gets to see.... a fragmented discussion where I reveal the various ways my mind thinks.....
more later
