HONEY MOON

Mama PC


We had the most interesting and wonderful honey-of-a- moon for the rest of our 25 years.... amen...

After we found some peanut butter crackers and cokes in Lawton Oklahoma, we began our nights and days together, enjoying one another and respecting our differences.... one day at a time.

Marriage is a commitment. I committed, he committed, God committed, we committed... Very interesting relationship marriage is.

Yes it's wonderful... and sometimes it's horrible... There are just so many things to work out... But, as I mature, I've realized that the not so good times are really times when I have a choice. To keep loving. To depend on God's love. He loves us and just wants what's best. And, as I lay down my desires, my demands, my dreams, my expectations.... and serve my man, the LORD rewards me gloriously.

Me and Papa JC are on our way now to a week-long trip where we'll enjoy each other and celebrate what God has given us and look forward to what next he will unveil.


Sat p.m. - flight to Seattle
Sun a.m.- train to Vancouver
Tues a.m. - ferry to Victoria
Thurs a.m. - ship to Seattle
Sat p.m. - flight home

Yahoo!!!

We love you all....

and the Honey Moon Continues...............

The IDES of January, February and March

Mama PC

Well, January 15 was the beginning of the end. February 15, was a totally depressing day. I just KNEW it would be KNOWN throughout the land (and in John's heart) that we should be together forever. Nope. So, the next few weeks went by uneventfully. I don't remember much. I'm sure we went to Denny's some nights. I'm sure we saw each other at church functions. It was a blur of depressing non-communicating, non-heart-to-heart, moonless and sunless days. I sure I made the best of things.

One Saturday in March, our church youth group were to pass out fliers for the next day's Sharrett Brothers Concert. I ended up in the same vehicle with John, with someone else driving, so I sat in the back seat beside him. Him on one side, and a teen girl with stinky armpits on the other. John tapped his fingers on his leg, and hummed pleasantly the whole time we were driving from parking lot to parking lot. After about two hours of the smell, the sounds and riding in a back seat, I was totally spent - I did not like doing what we were doing and I wanted to go home. I was irritable, tired, grumpy and hot. We finally finished, and John drove me home. No one was there, and we had a policy (in our family) about never having a guy and girl home alone, so John walked around back and sat by the pool with me. It was a lovely day and I should've been happy to have him there, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine. Nope. I was sick and tired of his noncommittal ways - his passivity. I was ready for this thing to be over. After about 15 minutes, John told me he was going to leave. Inwardly I was so glad. After he left, I went to my room, took out some notebook paper, and began planning my life WITHOUT John C. I was going to go back to college. I was going to get my own apartment. I was ready to quit waiting. Quit waiting for JC. It was over.

He told me later that he was feeling guilty about spending time with me without being able to make a commitment. He had been praying and fasting and seeking God for months, but never heard an answer. He was waiting for God to write it in the sky. But God would not do that.

He felt like it was wrong of him to "enjoy my company"..."enjoying being with" me but not be able to commit to me. So, he left that afternoon to go home and make a decision.

We had already made arrangements to eat at our friends' home that night, and we were supposed to bring the pizza. John drove to my house, picked me up, we drove to Pizza Hut, got the pizzas, then spent several hilarious hours with our friends. When we got back to my house late that night, it was raining very heavily. I had my family's garage door opener, and there was one bay of the garage not filled, so, we pulled his huge green bomb-of-a-car into the garage and sat with rear-end stuck out in the rain. A nice heavy rain. Within a few quiet moments, with me on the far side of the front seat, and he behind the steering wheel, he turned to me and said...

"If I had a ring, I'd ask you to marry me..."

I said, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A RING!"

Then, he quietly said, "Will you marry me?"

I knew I'd better respond quickly before he changed his mind.

"Yes! I'll marry you!" I said in a quiet but excited voice.

Then, he reached over and kissed me. Next, he said...

"Don't tell anyone".

So, that night, we kept our secret and I floated into my house wondering if I was in a dream.

The next day, I was floating on air... I did tell one friend the secret, but no one else knew.

That was at approximately midnight-thirty on MARCH 15, 1981!!!

So, the 15th of each of the first 3 months of that year were very significant!

The next Friday night, John and I went to his parents' home and told them of our engagement. They were NOT happy about it at all. They said it was nothing against me. They just knew it wasn't God's will for us.

John asked them what we could do to submit to them and what we could change. They had no comments and would not say anything else. It was a very strange and hard evening. After that, we told my parents and then the rest of the world we knew then.

We planned our wedding for May 30, the Memorial Day Weekend. He was teaching summer school, so this was the best time for him to take some days off. The wedding preparation days went quickly and we grew to love one another more and more. He still kept his distance, but I snuck a few kisses now and then. It grieved us both, but especially him, that his parents were not "for" the marriage. Here we were, both loving God so much, and trying to be honoring of them. But, they were just in a different world. We don't ever recommend others to go against their parents, but John was 29 years old, and I was 21. My parents blessed the union and our friends and church people also agreed. We had to go on. We wanted to go on. It was a type of individuation for John, who had always tried to please his parents and never go against anyone.

John was sick the whole week before the wedding. I think it was nerves. We had heard from his dad that his mom would not be attending the wedding. She had an excuse, but it broke his heart.

The day before the wedding, he helped me move my things into our new apartment, along side his...and we smiled at the thought that in less than a week we would return from our honeymoon to our own home. He had worked diligently on the music for our wedding.

Before we knew it, it was our wedding day! Bells in my heart rang loud and clear.
Here, we finally came to the day where I knew that I had caught him, and that he would be mine and I would be his forever after. We had a beautiful wedding ceremony, and had lots of friends and family all around us. We were both exhausted by the time the reception ended. We ran through the showers of rice (that ended up inside my undergarments) and ended up inside my dad's Cadillac. We had to step back out of the car, turn on the ac vents to let all the flour blow out (not into our faces) and wipe the Crisco off of the windshields before we could drive out. When we drove down the path away from the church, I found myself sitting way over on the passenger side with my right arm wedged against the door.

All of a sudden, I panicked! What was I DOING??? WHO WAS THIS OLD MAN I HAD JUST MARRIED? What have I done! Who WAS this man? Am I crazy!??? How could I just have gotten MARRIED???!!! The cans that were wired onto the back bumper helped camoflague my racing heart. What was I THINKING??? I didn't even KNOW this man!!!

John and Dad

Mama PC

My dad thought a lot of John. Sometime the first week or so of January, they had a talk, and on January 15, 1981, John and I were at Denny's and we had a wonderful discussion of what WAS God's will for us...and how were we to find it. Dad had encouraged John to spend time in prayer and fasting. We agreed to spend a week apart from each other. I was SO excited about the prospect of finding God's will once the 7 days were up. Seven, six, five, four, three, two... one, times up and poof....... no,... John still had no definite word. I did. I knew I wanted to be with him forever. He wasn't sure what God was saying. So, we talked again (at Denny's again) and on January 15, we again decided to break up, this time for a whole MONTH!

I worked in the office of a large child care center at our church. There were large glass windows and each time John would walk by (he worked at the Christian School) he would totally keep his face fixed on the hallway and his path and would not even let his eyes stray toward me to show me any attention or affection. HOW COULD HE BE SO C O L D ??? HOW COULD HE BE SO DETERMINED??? HOW COULD HE BE SO MEAN??? Those were my outright thoughts.... but deep inside, the realization-that-I-could-trust-him seeds were being planted... for this was a man who kept his word.

During that month, my old boyfriend Dion called and wanted to come visit me. I said, "sure"... cause he was my friend, and was special to me...and was paying attention to me. He came for a weekend, and on that Saturday, Dion took me to a choir rehearsal and sat in the audience while John directed the whole hour and a half. JOHN NEVER EVEN NOTICED that Dion brought me, sat there looking at us, and then took me home!!! I thought that was horrible! Maybe John wasn't my type after all.

For Valentines Day of 1981, Dion wanted to come pick me up and drive me to Tulsa to his Valentines Banquet...and asked me to sing there. I was very happy about going, but felt unsure whether or not I should go. I didn't want to hurt John, but then again, John didn't seem at all affected about me and my other interests. So, I agreed to go to the banquet. I had to go and tell John the weekend before that I wouldn't be there the next Saturday at a choir seminar. I did not tell him what I was going to be doing, or where I was going. He didn't act affected. But, I found out later that he was very upset, thinking I was going to be going to a V banquet with Susie's old boyfriend whom she had just broken up with. They both were very upset!

Anyway, I decided to drive myself to Tulsa. While there, the first night, after the banquet, Dion reached over to kiss me and I had to stop him. I just COULD NOT kiss him! It hit me - dawned on me - that no matter what - I LOVED JOHN and I would WAIT FOREVER for him and his love for me. I told Dion that I did not belong there, and that I would be leaving the next morning. I told him that I loved someone else. I never heard from him again.

I drove home, smiling and happy the whole trip home, knowing that when the month fast was over, John would be mine. When I got home, I met with him and he didn't say anything about "us". When the month was up, I just knew he'd found his answer. Nope. He said on Feb 15th that he still didn't know any answers from God about "us".

That was so sad...

NEW YEAR'S EVE -1980

Mama PC


I never talked about my relationship with John to my earthly father, but he was always sensitive to where his girls were emotionally. Around Christmas-time, my dad told me NOT to go out with John any more, that he was upset that John was "breaking my heart". I don't remember ever telling Dad that, nor did I mope around. My dad is a lot like me, in that he wants things to happen NOW... so, I think HE was getting inpatient with what was going to happen with John and Pam. Anyway, he told me NOT to go out with John any more.

New Year's Eve, John and I had plans to attend a New Year's service across town. He arrived at our house around 10 p.m. to pick me up, and I scurried out the door. Dad didn't notice me leaving because there was a huge airman's party going on, where at least 40 people were milling around our house.

I didn't tell John about Dad's command for me not to go out with him any more until we got half-way across town. As I saw the lit up cross on OUR church building, I just HAD to say something to John. When he heard that Dad was not in approval of our going out anymore, he IMMEDIATELY turned around his bomb-of-a-car and headed back to my house. I don't remember what happened after that... not that night anyway. But, the next few months proved quite interesting!

DECEMBER 14, 1980 * My 21st Birthday

Mama PC

On my 21st birthday, John came to my house with guitar case in hand. We sat in the kitchen and he began singing a song to me that he had written to me.

I wish I could find the words now. They've GOT to be somewhere in storage.

The title of the song was "Little Girl Woman" and was very interesting...

We sat on the kitchen counter and drank hot cinnamon tea and smiled at one another, as we always did.

Let me go back and tell you about our "dates". As we spent time together each evening after work, we found that we had very little in common. Very little to talk about. He was accustomed to analyzing people and spiritual matters. I was more into emotion and feelings and plans. He was more into looking backward and I was totally into looking at now and the future. So, we sat many hours looking into one another's eyes and smiling. We both lost lots of weight in those months of our smiling. We didn't eat much at night because when we'd go to Denny's, I didn't want to order much because I didn't think he had any money, so we just shared each night... nibbled and smiled... nibbled and smiled and drank our iced tea. We seriously had very little conversations. I know that sounds weird and not like what a relationship should be like, but that is how we were. We had very similar beliefs and foundations, but each came at life from totally different perspectives. I knew that I loved him. I knew that I wanted to marry him and live with him forever. He knew he felt strongly toward me, but knew that it wouldn't be easy to make a relationship like ours work. He was the realist. I was the optimist. We NEVER talked about marriage, or "us". We would just meet after work, and I'd get into his car and we'd go to Denny's. Then, he'd bring me back to my car, and we'd stand out in the summer breezes and smile for a while before I'd get in my car and go home.

One late summer night, when there was a full harvest moon and the cool dry late summer breezes were blowing across our faces, we stood between his huge '71 green Buick Centurion and my '79 Honda CVCC hatchback. I looked up at the glowing moon, and I said "I feel like our hearts are being knit together..." He looked at me blankly, then said, "I'd better be going now..." He quickly got into his car and left!!!

John's Song to Me

Mama PC

Here are the words I just remembered to the song he wrote to me in the fall of '80.

"Every day I think of Pamela Kay
She's always on my mind
No matter what I do or say
But if He ever says 'no"
I must be willing to let go
But He'll have to change the way
I think of Pamela Kay (hey heyyyy)

Pam I think I'm in love with you (oooh ooohhhh)
No one could affect me the way you do (ooh oohhhh)
But I'll have to leave it in the Master's Hand (ann annd)
...(words not remembered...) His perfect Plan........

That's the words of his heart to mine in his first song to me.

ACT TWO - Scene 5

Mama PC

SO...

John had his guard up against any kind of romantic relationship with me. Then he relaxed in God's peace that encouraged him to just be friends.

So, after that first real phone conversation (on May 26, 1980) each time we saw one another, after church, he'd stop on the way out the door and say "we really need to get together some time"...and we'd shake hands for a very long time, grinning widely at one another. That was it. He NEVER would ask me out or call or anything. Now, I'm was an inpatient type of girl...and these days and weeks were just too long for me! But, trying to be proper, I refused to make any more calls to him. And of course, I couldn't ask him out!

Several weeks later, he found out that I would be leaving for a week to be a kids' camp counselor. He sneakily found out the address of the camp and on my 3rd day there, I received a letter! All it said was that he "knew it would be fun to get a letter at camp"... and at that time, I rejoiced in knowing that at least he was thinking of me. Deep inside I knew that I loved this man called John Jacob Crouse. I was floating on clouds.

The next week, my sister and brother-in-law (old boyfriend) must've figured out that we were affected by one another, and they invited us both over after church for a meal. John came to me and offered me a ride "since we're both going to the same place". So, that was June of 1980. We began seeing one another almost every night for the next few months, walking in front of my home in the cool night breezes or going to Denny's for iced tea, cottage cheese and fruit.

One night, (can't remember when), I reached up and kissed him straight on the mouth. He was a bit shocked and reserved, not wanting to take advantage of a younger girl, especially a girl he wasn't sure he wanted to commit to. You know his parents did not approve of me. He was 28 and I was 21. He believed strongly that you should never tell another that you loved them until you were sure you were ready to propose, and definitely not kiss until marriage. Well, I snuck a few kisses in there and he never lingered... I was always a bit miffed that he wouldn't kiss me...but, because I had been around enough to see the guys that would be too demonstrative, his reticence to start any type of physical relationship PROVED to me that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. Because he loved me, he held back. That meant a lot to my inner self. His self-control ministered to my heart. And it made me all the more in love with him.

Late Summer of '80, he still made no mention of love or marriage...and I was ready for a commitment. But, I couldn't tell him that. You know, the propriety thing. That fall, he came in to my house, guitar case in hand, and a BRIGHT green sweater on and he had me learn the back-up parts of a song he had just written. After I learned the back-up vocal parts, he began the song....

Strum strum strum strum....

"Hey, Pam I think I'm in love with you.... (my part -ooh ooh)
No one else could affect me so... oh oh
But I'll have to leave it in the Master's hand ..ann ann
....la la la....... His perfect plan"

(we both have forgotten all the words now, but I tell you when I started singing the back-up parts and hearing him say he thought he loved me in a song nearly knocked me off of my feet! what a surprise!!!!)

*****Now, if you're reading this, let me know if you're listening and enjoying this tale of love... I'm expecting a post before I write any more!***

btw, i still have that bright green sweater of his...

Me, at age 18

This picture was taken at the Surprise Going away party.

Fourth Scene - Why so Upset?

Mama PC

Let me go back a few years. (From John I get my information. His sister backs it up.) The first time I had a chance to hang out with John and two of his siblings (at Bill's apartment) we had a really great time laughing and telling stories. That evening, traveling home after laughing and cutting up with me, John and Susie commented on how cute they thought I was and fun to be around. This was when I was 18. But, secretly, in his heart, John liked me, but knew that we weren't suited for one another. Plus, I was dating Bill.

As the months went by, Susie actually had a strong interest in Bill, and felt like SHE was supposed to marry him! Yes, you heard that right. He led her on when he had the chance and she felt like I was pulling him away from her. She was the one who gave me a going away party when I left for college in August of 1978.

On the other hand, John, Susie, Charles and their parents were in agreement in saying that "Pam was bringing down the youth pastor"! They actually made judgements about me but didn't even know me on a personal level. I was talked about in their home in the years 1978, '79 and thereafter, I'm sure.

So, for John to all of a sudden have romantic attraction to me went against all he stood for and all his family stood for. It angered him. He says that he had his guard up, even. When he tells his story, he actually holds his fingers out like he's forming a cross to ward off a vampire!

He did not and could not have a relationship with me other than a mentor or older brother.

Act Two - Scene Three - HIS thoughts

Mama PC

Go back to May 25, 1980 - John's thoughts that day were revealed to me over the next several years...and I will try to share what he said was going on in HIS mind... John's mind, that is...

John was at church that Sunday morning, and was playing bass guitar during the worship service. He said that during the worship, he kept being distracted by the thought of me! After worship, he came down and sat down on the left side of the auditorium, where he always sat and found himself wondering where I was sitting. This made him very upset with himself. After church, he went to his parents for lunch and found he was so upset, that he wouldn't even eat! In his words, he just sat in a chair and "stewed" the whole afternoon. He reasoned that he had not tried to have romantic thoughts or feelings toward this girl and had not done anything to cause them to happen. He finally got to a place of peace with God about it and says he put the whole matter into God's hands. That night at church he was able to worship freely and not be so "affected" by me.

ACT TWO Scene Two - "OUR FIRST TALK"

Mama PC

John came to the phone. The conversation went very much like this...

JC - Hello
PH - Hi!
JC - How are you?
PH - I'm good. How are you?
JC - Well, I'm okay now.
PH - What do you mean?
JC - Well, yesterday I found myself strangely romantically attracted to you, and I didn't want to be, but now I'm over it and everything's okay.
PH - (confused) Oh, okay.
JC - Yes, I think that possibly God has brought us together so that I can be your friend and possibly so that we can talk about things. Like I can be like an older brother or mentor.
PH - (to self... This is the weirdest man I've ever met...) (Cheefully) oh, okay! that sounds good. I would like that!

We agreed to 'get together sometime' before we said our goodbyes, and that was the end of the conversation.

I got off the phone not knowing WHAT to think of him. He was very weird in my opinion, but I was strangely drawn to him...the sweet man he was.

Still couldn't tell anyone...

ACT TWO Scene One Begins * April 1980

Mama PC

This strange man, by the name of John, started attending our church again, and each time a service was over, he would be one of the last to leave, after visiting with folks in the auditorium. I usually stood in the foyer to say goodbye to everyone, so when he came toward the door, he would smile...I would smile...we would shake hands (after he sat his briefcase down on the floor) and stay in that hand-shaking position for entirely too long after EVERY service for weeks! And we had three services per week! We didn't know what to say to one another. He would usually say something like "we need to get together sometime" in the musical way he usually talks with a twinkle in his eye.

I was smitten by this man. I still couldn't tell anyone.

In early May, I rode with some college friends to a wedding, and I thought of JC the whole day.

Memorial Day 1980 came around, and I (smartly) attended an airmen's swimming party at a friend's house. She and I were the only young girls at the party with 20-ish 18-24 year old young men! How stupid could we get!?! I stayed away from the guys, climbed up on the top of a storm cellar, and dreamed of JC all afternoon. I burned to a pulp! Got my shower, and drove to the church where my brother-in-law the youth pastor was showing the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA to the youth group. I was supposed to be there to chaperone. I found myself in the office of the day care, wanting to call JC on the phone...

Misery. I was sunburned from head to toe... but worse than that... I was wanting to talk to this strange and mysterious man! But, it wasn't proper to call a man, was it? He was much older than me, and from a different generation where propriety was held in high esteem. Should I call him? The answer was "no". But, I COULD call his sister, though, couldn't I???

I looked up the phone number, dialed it before I chickened out, and Susie answered the phone. She and I talked about 10 minutes about who knows what. I had known her in the past. She actually had been in a pseudo relationship with BILL several years prior (while he and I were supposedly together!) She's the one that sent me off to college with a bon voyage party...possibly celebrating the fact that BILL would be all hers now... (Susie and I are actually very close friends now and laugh about our young years.)

Finally, Susie asked me... "would you like to talk to John?" Don't ask me how she knew this, but I guess perceptive people perceive, so my prayer was answered, without me having to ask to speak to John. This was May 26, 1980. I said, "SURE!"...

ACT TWO Scene One

Mama PC

If you haven't read all
the prior scenes that were
actually ACT ONE, please
go back and read them...



Please take your seats.


The lights are about to go down.


The story will begin to unfold in just a few moments.



(Instrumental music swells as the lights go down)

Scene Six

Mama PC

The next month (after Bill and I broke up) was very difficult. We had patterns. We had routines. We had him needing me and me not knowing how to just turn off the relationship. Well, God had a plan. The first part of the plan, was to have those associate pastors speak to us and bring us to the truth. The second part of the plan was to use the April 10, 1979 tornado in Wichita Falls, Texas. One of the associate pastor's homes was totally ruined, so my father asked that family to MOVE IN TO our home until they could rebuild. That effectively put a hedge around me, where Bill could no longer come over and where I was reminded on a daily basis of my own commitment to break up with Bill and he with me. (Bear with me on this boring part of the story... it just helps you to know where I came from.)

Did I ever tell you that Bill was brother to the bass player in Petra back in the late 70's, early 80's?

Did I ever mention that John and Bill were friends?

In May, the associate pastors and my father asked Bill to leave our church, and he moved to Oklahoma City. He continued to call me almost nightly.

Meanwhile, I continued to work as secretary at a CPA firm, then moved onto a Mercantile Financing Institution and dated several other guys. One a traveling minister from New Mexico who thought he was God's gift to women. Another, a hispanic guitar player (in a Christian band) named Zenon who would not communicate with me intellectually and later I wondered if it had to do with the fact that before he was saved, he was heavy into drugs. I never got to ask him that.

This was the summer of 1979. My sister, 11 months younger than me was to marry, and I wondered what was wrong with me that I hadn't found a guy to marry yet. It was a very dark time for me. I dated guys, but none of them were who I really wanted. I could not, would not settle with one, just so that I could be married. Bill came for Janet's wedding in August. He was a jerk, and I finally realized it.

Within 3 months, my youngest sister married one of my old boyfriends... and left me an old maid at age 19!!! I also helped with her wedding, and felt a dark cloud of depression on me, especially during the reception.

(The old boyfriend she married, Mike, was my first boyfriend...and he had also dated my other sister. Just wanted to add this funny twist to my memoires...)


Yes, I was an old maid at nineteen years of age!

December came to our home, and my sisters were gone. My parents were working many hours. I remember one sad night that the realization hit me, that if ANYONE was going to put a Christmas tree up in our house, it was going to be me. So, I drove, alone, to a tree lot and bought a tree, then brought it home and decorated it all by myself. It was a very dark December.

That year, my twentieth birthday, my brother-in-law Mike asked me to help with the Christmas production by painting the set in the balcony of the church. I just knew that my family must've been planning a party, so I cheerfully made my way up to do my volunteer work.

I painted all night. All alone. I kept thinking someone, anyone, would pop in and either surprise me for my birthday or at least pick up a paintbrush. Twenty years old and alone on my birthday night...painting a set for a Christmas play. I cried. I cry now just thinking about it. How could anyone be so callous as to not even remember their own daughter's birthday, especially when she didn't have friends or a boyfriend. Oh, did I mention that all my friends at the church were married? Well, I chose not to pity myself, but again I say, it was a hard year.

For New Years Eve of 1979, I decided to go visit a friend in Neosho, Missouri. I had met her at college the year before. She was a riot! She expected me on December 31. Meanwhile, I heard about a PK (preacher's kid) retreat in Duncan, Oklahoma and decided I would attend the weekend before.

There, I met a wonderful man, named Dion... he was a preacher, a children's pastor who was part of a children's t.v. ministry, and a rodeo calf roper!!! Also a doll! Sparks flew and we had a whirlwind relationship and I almost decided against going to visit my girlfriend in Missouri, but at her insistance, I traveled up there, missing Dion terribly!

I spent much time over the next 5 months writing and receiving mail and phone calls from Dion, Mike from New Mexico and Zenon...and none of them knew that the other ones existed. Oh, and there was a local guy as well, who took me out several times. I liked these guys, and felt special when they paid me attention, but if you had asked me if they were the one that was right for me and the best for me, I would have to say "no". One weekend, I remember several were in town at the same time and wanting me to make plans. I had to say "no" to the one from New Mexico...and he got very very angry with me. Hung up the phone...then later, called me back and said, "One day you are going to be VERY SORRY!!!". I laughed and laughed over that one. I realize then, that he was very serious about me. I had no clue! But, I knew he wasn't for me. Zenon already knew that he wasn't for me... he was always very polite and actually did not pursue me. Dion got busy with all of his rodeos and ministry events and college graduation that spring, so we didn't spend much time together.

In April of 1980, John and his brother and sister walked into church one Sunday. They came up and sat in the row right in front of me. I could not take my eyes of of those long sideburns. I was 20 years old. He was 28.

Scene Five

Mama PC

I went to college in the fall of '78 - and while there, Bill and I were on again, off again. He proposed in October, and I quit college to come home and get married (not to mention the fact that hardly ever attended class and was about to be dropped!) I never thought of JC that fall. I was too busy, and he was out of sight, out of mind. That Christmas, back at home, I watched JC's Christmas ensemble perform a wonderful musical, "Specially for Shepherds"...and wished I was in his circle of friends.

In Feb of '79, I got word that JC's parents had felt that the leadership of our church was making mistakes and were going to quit. That didn't bother me. Next, I heard that JC's brother was going to quit the church, and was pulling all of his personal sound equipment out. This didn't bother me. Several days later, my father mentioned in our home living room that Pastor John was going to be leaving our church. I RAN to my room, threw myself on my bed and cried for hours. I never had anything grieve me so deeply than thinking that JC would not be a part of our church any more. I hardly had any contact with him personally on a weekly basis, we didn't talk of anything personal, I didn't even know if he cared about me at all, and I hardly ever spoke to him... but, it GRIEVED me for him to pull away from our church... I didn't tell anyone how I felt or what this did to me deep inside.

In March of '79, two of the associate pastors of our church called me into an office and asked me a very important question. They asked "Do you believe that God wants you and Bill together?". I had to honestly say "no". When I did, they said that Bill also didn't feel it was God's will. They also said that they were going to help us break up and gave me the rules and boundaries for how it would work best. So, this began a very dark time of my life.

Scene Four

Mama PC

My whole senior year, I watched Papa JC from my busy side of life and I continued to date the youth pastor. Don't ask me what I saw in "Bill". I think it was originally infatuation and the fact that he "needed me". I organized youth functions, created the whole church bulletin weekly (his job), cleaned they guy's apartment! (what was I thinking!?!) and any other miscellaneous thing he could get me to do. He was USING me. We talked of marriage, and he proposed several times, but he and I both seemed to know that it was not God's will for us...but didn't know how to break it off.

In April of 1978, Papa JC arranged an instrumental song for me and several other girls to play for competition, and we made it to District. We (a youth group of approximately 20, plus Bill and Papa JC) traveled to Dallas, and the whole time we were there, "Bill" visited with all his old college girl friends and totally dropped me! I was SICK!

August of 1978, the small instrumental ensemble traveled with Papa JC and my parents as chaperones to Kansas City. I remember during that trip that I hoped that JC would notice me. I was still young (18) and he was an old man (26) and he had only business and propriety on his mind. I was still in the relationship with Bill, but after the year of being used and not knowing if I could trust him, my heart was willing to consider someone else. I liked this strange little man named JC. But, I couldn't tell anyone. I remember going to a swimming pool on the roof of the hotel where we stayed in KC. The other 2 girls went back to the room, but I stayed out there, gazing at the clouds overheard and wondering where John was and what he was thinking. This was my secret.

The last day in KC, the 4 of us went for a stroll on the downtown streets, and, when they became bored, the two other girls went back to the hotel. This left JC and me alone, walking in the early evening on beautiful brick sidewalks, wind blowing our hair... I put my arm into the crook of his arm, and we floated down the street. Of course, neither of us could say anything! It was too wonderful to be true.

By the way, our ensemble won second place at the National Competition. JC playing piano for our ensemble - me on flute, my sister on clarinet, and a friend on violin... playing JC's arrangement of "There's a Sweet, Sweet Spirit in this Place"...

The next day, we drove the long way home with JC driving, with me next to him on the front seat. We never talked about "us", neither did either one of say anything to ourselves, each other, or anyone else of our sweetness on one another. He told me years later, that he had always thought I was a sweet little girl, or young lady, but never saw himself as the type of guy that I would want, or doubted that I was the type of girl that God would want for him...even though he liked me a lot.

Scene Three

Mama PC

It was the year 1977. My senior year. JC was a supervisor in the school I attended and I found myself looking forward to his quiet and kind attentions. He worked with our music program, and I took piano lessons from him for several months, weekly. Propriety was his middle name. He never even thought of me as someone he would be interested in. For one thing, I was young and silly. For the other, I was in a relationship with the youth pastor. But, he liked me as a person, and I liked him as well. But we were from two different worlds. One day, I remember thinking as I gazed toward him, that "he would make a wonderful husband". This, in my mind, wasn't applying to me... as in, I didn't think he'd be MY husband. But, I was observing a fact.

I had always dated the strong, athletic, "cool" types in high school. The guy I was in a relationship at that time was musical, yes, and funny, but he was irresponsible, used me to pay for food and other things, and seemed to put his needs before mine. He was not trustworthy. I knew that he wasn't the one for me, but didn't know how to just drop the relationship.

On the otherhand, JC was sweet, serious, kind, honest, careful, industrious, faithful and funny and respected me. I liked and admired those qualities. Plus, he knew everything there was to know about music and the Bible. What more could a girl ask for?

How I Became a Crouse - Scene Two

Mama PC

He thought I was a cute little girl, and I thought he was a funny old man... Over the next 3 years, I saw him each spring at the yearly competitions, and if we advanced to the finals, I'd see him (from a distance) with his musical group. His ensembles always did very well. The summer before my senior year, he was hired to be a supervisor at the Christian school where I was enrolled. I was dating another man at the time (the youth pastor who was 22) but I'll never forget the first time I saw him when I was 17 years old.

It was a Sunday morning. I happened to be walking down a set of stairs that ended at the foyer of the church. Three or four steps from the bottom, I saw a large green bomb-of-a-car drive up under the canopy, then a little wirey man jumped out of the driver's seat and ran around the car to open the door for a woman! As he opened the door politely for this tall, long-legged brunette, I became FURIOUS! What was SHE doing with HIM, and WHY did I even CARE! It was very strange to feel such intense feelings for a man who I had only met a few times . Add to that the fact that he dressed strangely, wore his hair weirdly and who was too old for me... it was puzzling. I tucked these feelings down deep in my heart because.... no one wouldda believed me if I told them what I had just experienced...and... I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to even know...

How I Became a "Crouse" - Scene One

Mama PC

It's a very long story. Grab a cup of hot cinnamon tea. I met the man who is now my husband back in 1974 when he was 22, and I was 14. Our families had both moved to Wichita Falls in 1972, but did not attend the same church. Papa JC was assisting with music at a large church on the "rich" side of town, and I was involved in a smaller church, where my father was the pastor. In 1974, an ensemble he was working with musically, came to a competition at our church's facility. I remember seeing this older man sitting on the back row of the sanctuary, his an out-of-date hairstyle, and clothes that reminded me of people who were out-of-style. My sister and I walked up to him and smiled and told him "hello" and he smiled back sweetly. That is the BEGINNING of our story.

The Easy Life

Mama PC

Something Naytron said in commenting below made me think of the years 1992/93. We were a young family and had started feeling impressed to get out of debt and free of worldly trappings. We also were feeling that God would be moving us from the little town of Hobbs, America soon, so we wanted to be ready. I had dreamed that we would one day live in a trailer so that we could start paying off debts. I looked in the papers and all around town, but couldn't find one. Several months later, a lady at the church donated her trailer to the church where John was employed. We told them we would pay to have it moved if they would allow us to live in it. So, we had it moved...and we moved into it one cold February day. Several days later (early one Sunday morning) the temperature dropped and all the pipes froze! We had to get ready for church with no water and space heaters! The prior owner told us we couldn't use the heater because it was emitting gasses and that there had once been a fire - which is the reason SHE moved out! Anyway, THANKFULLY I had left a trickle of water on in the yard for the dog, Lovey. You know, when there's frozen pipes, there is no water for cooking, brushing teeth, showering or flushing toilets! It was not a fun day. But, there was that trickle!!! And, thankfully there was a big hole in the kitchen window that had been taped up with duct tape...actually two holes in double paned windows. Resourcefully, I pushed that water hose up through those holes in the kitchen window and.... duct taped it in place...also to keep out the cold wind! Voila! We had a hose that I could position to fill a pan which I could place on the stove to heat water for cooking or bathing...and cold water flowed which we carried to the bathrooms to flush toilets! I tell you, even through the hardships of those days where we were cold and strangely equipped, I felt the most joy in my environment. It was all about the overcoming of the obstacles and the fun of making something work. It was an ugly trailer. But, that made it better for me because it didn't have to be kept up perfectly. It was just what it was. A shell to be made into a home. It had 3 bedrooms. The girls shared one at the end of the house...when they wanted to play on the floor, they stood the twin mattresses up against the wall, so that they'd have more playspace. Jeremiah's room had been made into a storage room with wide shelved cabinets all along one wall. There wasn't even enough room in there for a bed, so I took the doors off the cabinets, and made a pallet on the wide shelves and he slept there! Seriously! He was about 4 years old. Am I a strange mom or what! But it worked... and we had the time of our lives. That year we started homeschooling too... and spent many hours in that trailer and out in the tiny yard, playing with the animals and digging in the dirt. We paid off all our bills and cars and were free of financial encumbrances. So, even though we lived in a very simple place, with not all the efficiencies.. we truly lived richer than anywhere else we've ever lived.

Wednesday afternoon (after the freeze on Sunday) I was coming home and saw water pouring out of one end of the house! The kids had turned on every faucet in the trailer when the water was frozen and then, when the sun had come out enough, and the pipes unfroze, water filled the tubs and sinks and ended up FLOODING the end of the trailer! Oh well, it wasn't a horrible thing. We just mopped it up and did the best we could. I think there were a few pipes that had to be repaired, but all in all, God gave us a good time as we placed ourselves into His plan of living a life of simplicity. I wonder if we have any photos of the two years we lived there? No matter, the pictures are imbedded in our hearts, where we can go back and visit there at any time. We became a stronger family unit living in an ugly, disfunctional house.... that became our home because WE lived and loved in it.

Mama PC

History of Me and Mine

Chapter One

I was born a long time ago to very very young parents. We moved a million zillion times so therefore I attended 13 schools in my 13 years of education. In 3rd grade, I attended 3 schools. I was always a very shy little girl. Never felt like I fit in...and sometimes, to this day, I feel those same feelings. I was always the new girl in school. I wore different clothes than most of the other kids, too, and didn't act or talk like them, so, again, I was different. My kindergarten year, I remember that I could buy white milk for 5 cents and chocolate milk cost 6 cents. We lived in Webster, Texas at that time and I had one of the astronaut's daughter in my class. She did not come back to school after her father was blown up in the accident in the 1960's...I think it was 1966 - when the first space accident occurred where there was loss of life. I lived right there in the community where all those people lived. I don't remember the girl's name - I think it was Kim... but I still can almost see her face. To think, your dad blown up high up in the sky over the whole world! The year I was in Kindergarten, we lived in an old home in Webster, where, every night, after the lights went out, many roaches would start crawling in the screened in porch! We had never seen so many roaches, and I remember we moved out of that house as soon as we could. We moved into a church building, living in the Sunday School wing of a building my dad and mom built by hand. My dad was trained in construction and my mom and the older ladies of the church baked pies weekly and sold them to raise money for the brick. I, even at age 5, remember helping my dad lay brick and carried ceiling tiles and boards. During those early years, we as young preacher's daughters, would vacuum the church each Saturday afternoon, fold the bulletins, and then on Sunday's we had the opportunity to clean up after communion! My dad, every year, came to the school and talked to the teachers and told them who I was, who he was, and what I could and could not be involved in. My daddy was a minister and the church denomination he was a part of required that girls not wear pants. (This was common in South Texas Pentecostal churches in the 1960's-early 70's) One time he informed the music teacher I had in 4th grade in Tomball, Texas that I was absolutely not to participate in the square dances she taught during the music classes. (I didn't know this fact until afterwards)... the day she made me sit down while all the other students had a great time experimenting with the do-see-dos, sachets, and what nots. I do remember enjoying that music class, though, especially the one day we were all together to write a song! It made sense to me when each student went to the board and placed a note on the staff - then the teacher played what we had written on the keyboard. When I was in 7th grade band, one day the director got very angry with the whole band for something the drummers did...and he started yelling and threw his baton back at the drum section. Then, he quickly looked my way in the flute section, and asked me to stand up and go out of the band hall until he called me back in. Later on, I found out that he cussed them out royally and that he explained that he couldn't do that while I was in the band hall because my father was a minister!!! My dad really got around and prepared the way before me! Anyway, by the time I reached 7th grade, a young married couple invited me to their apartment and treated me as a "teenager". The lady, I'll never forget her, named Lori Crouch, took me under her wing... took me shopping for make-up (my mom never bought me any or allowed me to experiment), sewed me some cute short-sets and treated me like a young adult. It really boosted my self-esteem to be singled out and treated special. So, between 7th and 8th grade, I became more confident and social. My 8th grade year, still a bit shy, but enjoying my newfound fun self, I had the time of my life! To this day, I realize how important mentors developing relationships with young people is for their development. I would be a totally different person if Lori Crouch hadn't reached out to me. I don't know where she is now but I know that the marks of her gift of time and attention to an awkward, gangly little 13 year old girl have made a big difference in my life and I am very appreciative. I hope to repay her kindness by sowing seeds of affirmation and kindness into the lives of young girls I meet along my journey.

Stay tuned for another story....another day.... and get ready for some lonng stories...

Mama PC

~~~~~~~The Simple Life~~~~~~~~

The trappings of an American lifestyle
leave a soul burdened, tired and bruised
The Jones' home compared to our home
~~~~~Will always be 'better'. ~~~~~
The smell of a new car crooks its finger
~~~~~To capture our attention.~~~~~
And the apparel of the rich and famous
Dare us to wear anything else.

How I long for the simple life
Where a simple roof and quilt suffice
Water from a well, ~cool, ~deep,
Quenches thirst of a tired old soul
Bare floors and rustic furnishings
No modern conveniences to distract
Leaves time for cuddling with the children

For talking, talking into the night about
~~~~Things that really matter.~~~~
Laughing, laughing into the night
A release from this world's chatter.
A focus on what's most important
And relieved from worldly clatter.