Sticker-Patch to Field of Flowers

This was a creative writing project I wrote in November 1998 while at Montgomery College as I completed my prerequisites for Nursing School. It amazes me to look back and see what I was thinking and going through even nine years ago. I'm in awe of how much God has been maturing me and turning my vision as He heals me and fuels me as I keep my face toward His. Step back in time with me and listen to the heart of a woman stepping forward into the next stages of her life...

My World

November 1998

My books and writing implements

Computer and modem attached to telephone

Connect me to friends and associates

Near and far

Connecting with others

Alike and different

To discuss, to laugh, to work, or to complete common goals

My writing informs

Puts into concrete form what is nebulous in mind

For further perusal and thought

To analyze what is real and what is confused

To come to a greater understanding of

How mixed up I really am

Coming and going to religious meetings

Of service and tradition

Are shaken oil and vinegar together

Never joining completely in my mind

But heels dragging, performing with trust

That usefullness will occur from my works

Showing the lost ones love

As I serve and show them the Way

My heart and spirit strive to soar with God

Above this sticker-patch called life

Waiting for the time we can be together

Biding time by seeking His face

Communing day by day

Enjoying His presence when

With transparency, I pray

Thanks Honey

Thanks, John, for the day in Galveston in 1994. We had a blast, didn't we???

But, more than that, thanks for marrying me.... knowing that we would be so different and would go through hard time.... but also saying that you couldn't imagine living the rest of your life without me...

Look what God has given us!!! Three lovely miraculous works of God!!! Thank you so much for being my "partner in parenthood".

I couldn't a done it without cha!

;-)

Jeremiah John - 5th Grade - State of Texas Project

Jeremiah John -


What you thinkin' on???


Did you know that when dad wrote your song, back in 1987, that he actually wrote more than one verse? The 2nd verse has been hidden (accidentally) all of these 20 years! We sang the first (and only verse we knew) over and over to and with you as you were a little baby man... and you brought so many smiles to our hearts! Some day the other verse/s will be found...they're hidden away in one of dad's files. I saw it recently...and it gave me hope!!! There are good words!!! J.... words full of life, hope, healing, worth, purpose and truth.... and they were written with YOU in mind!!!


We had longed for you for several years before you were born. We knew that God would give us a son. We just knew. And then, in New Mexico, we found out you were on the way!


When the nurse brought you to me the day you were born, when I looked down at you in my arms, all I could see was MY dad! You were a little "Happy" man... in a soft blue blanket. No teeth, no hair.... with a Heil face!!! So sweet!! I shouldda known then that you'd take after Happy's side of the family. We couldn't decide for sure on your name until after you were born. We knew it had to be a manly and Godly name. A name full of meaning. It was on your second day of life, I think, that Dad and I agreed that you would be called Jeremiah John.


It just seemed the right name for you, our baby boy. Several weeks later, your name was confirmed when a friend of our family, a princess from Africa, sent us a letter, that was dated on the day you were born, saying that we should name you J J Crouse, maybe John, Josiah or Jeremiah... and she also sent a $50 check for us to buy you your first suit to preach in. She prophecied that you would be a preacher! And when she wrote the letter and mailed it, she hadn't even heard that you were born!


I'm not sure that you will ever stumble across my blog, but I had to write to you. You have been such an interesting and wonder of a person to us. What a creative genious! And a tender, sensitive but gutsy guy!


This letter will have to be continued at a later time....


because your story continues.... and I cannot wait to hear the end of it..... and I know that it will be a good story....


Just know that you are loved beyond measure by a God Who knows you well and loves you still...

and also loved by your dad... and also, this mom

love,


your ever-lovin' ma

Hannah Elizabeth - Full of Mercy and Grace

Full of Mercy and Grace.... but, also a warrior daughter of God.


Hannah! Where did you come from???

I still remember the night before you were born. I felt strongly impressed to write you a letter. BEFORE you were birthed. I wrote how I felt you were a very strong, but very gentle being who would bring great joy. I just knew that you would be gentle, but persistent.

God gave you as a GIFT to this family. We are so blessed to call you ours.

Hannah, you'll never know how blessed we are to hear you singing and worshiping in your room. To know that you love the same God we do. To know that you are willing to live a little differently than most people your age so that you honor Him.

We are truly in awe of the gift of songwriting God has given you. The messages that seem to flow naturally out of your heart, mind, heart, voice and fingers ring true to all who hear them! Singer, sing on! Player, play on! Praiser, praise on!

I'll start calling you the Minstrel Maiden

and I hear you saying, "awww Mom...."

Oh, and thanks for reminding me how to practice "TOUGH LOVE". (not your words, but mine)....

You're a very wise young woman....and I'm so glad to have you as my daughter!!!

I love you dearly, Hannah....

Marmy

Ok, LindCee - I will go ahead and post a new blog, since you requested one...

Hello Dott, ...

Well, it seems I have so much going on in my mind that it's hard...no, difficult to come to any semblance of order in which to write it all down. But, then, I remember, that by writing, sometimes sense is made....and things are revealed... So, I shall write...
Time flies. It seems most of my life is taken up with getting up and going to work, then coming home. I'm tired all of the time. But, I've found, that as I present my needs to God, and write down what I'm going through, and write down a plan that He gives, and as I activate the plan, I start doing better.

The plan He gave last month (for the 32nd time) was to 1) eat more fresh veggies and fruits several times daily, 2) take a good stress-formula vitamin, 3) exercise 3 times a week, 4) cut back on stimulants like caffeine and sugar. And, as I have done these practical things, I've felt mucho better. Oh, and 5) go to sleep much earlier than the habit has become.

This doesn't seem very structured.... but, when talking mother to daughter, it's okay to wander around a bit.

Have I told you how much I love you and admire you? You have been such a joy in me and your dad's lives.

I remember when we first found out you were HERE inside me... I was so sick with excitement, I could hardly eat! And just now I remember one day, when you were about 17 months old...and I was driving down a country road, and I noticed a certain something-or-other along the drive...and before I had a chance to even say anything to you, you mentioned it to me! You were very mature as a baby. We were talking and communicating when you were quite young. Looking back, it seemed you and I were on the same wave-length a lot. We had/have a lot in common....even though you have a lot of your dad's qualities as well.

Dad and I would sing in the car, and we could hear you singing along at 11 months of age! In your car seat, in the backseat, we could hear your little baby voice SINGING ALONG! on the right notes!!! we smiled and then, i told Dad to sing the phrases, but to leave off the last word... and sure enough, you would sing with us...and then.....as we held our voices.... you would SING OUT THE RIGHT NOTE and SOUND! wow... we were impressed!

It's been quite a journey. We all have learned a lot as we participate in what is called FAMILY. Thank you for being patient with me and Dad. Thank you for speaking up as you've grown...and pressed us on to more God-likeness. Pressed us to be more communicative... Pressed us to express love and mercy. Pressed us gently to value the strengths in each other.

Do you remember the time in the Walmart parking lot, when you were about 3rd grade? You were out a bit in front of me, walking toward the store entrance and you happened to look to the side and saw a man verbally abusing a boy beside their car? How it crushed you! You RAN back to me, crying and grieving horribly. I knew then that you would be used majorly by God to reach out to and be a healing balm to hurting people... that God had given you a gift of mercy and that God would use you in people's lives.... people who are hurting... people who have been hurt.

I admire your search for God's heart. Your daily devotion. Your fresh look at His words and His world.

Have I ever told you that I have been impressed by your faithfulness to God's Word? You have actually inspired me to read the Bible more and to find the special nuggets, lines, truth words that you value so much. Thank you for being disciplined in that way. I don't know where that came from.... you were raised with such un-disciplined parents when you were young. Maybe you NEEDED such discipline that you actually found a way to make structure in your life. I am thankful for others in your life that helped you form habits and routines... for instance, the daily ritual at Lifestyle where you were required to write a Journal on each school day. I think that was a good thing, looking back. Haven't you been writing almost every day since then?

And I am thankful for the time you spent in Bible Quiz. It's amazing to me what impact that has on people! Memorizing the Word of God at an early age. WHAT LIFE SEEDS!!!

This letter is to you, my warrior baby... the one who wars for love, wars for healing, wars for justice, wars for truth....

I look forward to the next few years as we see how things unfold between "your man" and you. God is an All-Knowing One - and He has good things lined up for you both. I think you've found someone quite special.

Okay, I will close this short letter now. There are so many other things on my heart to say, but this is enough for now. One day, when I'm a Pammaw and you're a Mommy and I don't have to work quite so many hours... we can talk more face to face. I can't wait until those days....

Maybe I'll see you on I45 sometime....

I love you!!!

Dott's Marm

Have you heard 'THE CALL'???

Many thousands of believers joined in Nashville on 07.07.07 and I believe much was accomplished in the spirit realm that one day soon will be evidenced.

Your Kingdom Come Your Will be Done

On earth as it is in Heaven


Lord, as we lay our lives before You
Please pick us up and use us to impact the Nation
To reach the world - abroad and around us
To touch the broken and to bring healing
To the little ones and the aged
To the widows and the orphans
To the thirsty and the tired
The poor and diseased
Use our hands as gloves that You have slipped Your Hands into
To touch the lonely
To comfort the grieving
To reach the lost

Higher Up and Deeper In

The Lord is calling us to go to a higher place in Him. Higher up where we can soar with Him...where we can see things from His perspective...where we can be above the storm in Him. But at the same time, he is calling us deeper in... into Him... into a deeper relationship with Him...into a deeper love life with Him...into a deeper understanding of his sacrifical love for us and those He loves.

Did you ever read that book (maybe 20 or more years ago) that told the story of a whole town that started living as if Jesus were right there with them?

For the past 6 months or so, I've been "seeing" that we need to get to a point where we speak only words that are His words. It sounded like a good idea... but then, to think...how can I live my life, my whole life-in-the-work-a-day world speaking JUST HIS WORDS... He's challenging me... to consider what words and ideas I allow into my head and heart... but more than that, what words and conversation (lifestyle) comes from me. Is it possible to live each day and speak only the word of God so that He might be glorified? Is it possible to poke so much of His word into my own earthly self to the point that it starts being the bread of life that I live by and all the world might be affected? Can He do that through me? Will I allow Him to? What will it cost? How does it look? Is it possible?

Lord, break me

and

take me

and

make me

into a vessel that can truly be used by You.

My spirit longs for You.

My soul sings out for You.

In this dry and thirsty land,

my only hope is in You.

Pour into me what I need.

Lord, give me hands to take the dipper from Your deep well and draw out what You have prepared and given graciously to me.

Soul! sip and swallow!

Sing and shout!

Declare and share!

A water that will quench all thirsts

(The Water that will quench all thirsts!)

to that dry and thirsty land.

Whose Viewpoint?

These pictures were taken from high above a city in the United States. We enjoyed a very nice
meal and each other's company as we looked down on a changing view as the restaurant
slowly revolved. The view changed moment by moment, and there was always something
new to observe. Just like in our lives with God, we need to open our eyes and truly look at life
from His perspective, not our ones from down among the earthly. We need to see our world from His point of view, not our lowly view. How does he see our children? What would He do with His time at this very moment? How would he get the dishes done or the laundry folded? Would he worry about not enough money? Would He try to climb the ladder of success or become a servant so that others would see His love? Would He focus on material things? Would He spend much of His time entertaining Himself with what the world has to offer? How does He see the people who work right next to us, or our next-door neighbors? Does He see them as nuisances or enemies, or as the hurting and lonely soul that they are? Step up and see the world as God sees it. Enjoy a flight with Him and look out over His creation and feel His heart as He sees into each and every thing He created, and feels joy at the beauty, and a longing of when all things become new.

TOPIC OF THE DAY

God is Good

Back after Hurricane Katrina, then when Rita was headed out way, I told the story of how we helped that elderly couple one night, who had been stranded out in the middle of nowhere...

After that, a friend sent me some money, and told me to use it as I felt the Lord would direct, to bless someone in need from the hurricane...someone from New Orleans. Well, that was over a year and a half ago!

I did give some to an effort to provide clothes and shoes to a large group here in the area, but didn't feel peace about giving too much of the money entrusted to me.

Then, several months later, I asked the Lord to show me who to give the money to. The next day, I saw a woman, and knew in my spirit that I was to offer the money to her. We started talking, then she told me she was from New Orleans... but, when I offered her money, she told me that she didn't need it! But, that what she needed was friendship and emotional support. So, I called her several times, and emailed her. We've gone our separate ways now...

So, I've kept the amount of money in my bank account, waiting for the Lord to show me WHO!...

Several days ago, I remembered again that it was there and available. So, I gently mentioned in a quiet prayer in my spirit that I would like the Lord to show me WHO to give it to. Yesterday, as I was leaving my job, I walked behind a person who was singing! I couldn't hear her song, but I shouted out a greeting...and she turned....and we walked the distance to our cars... and she was just full of praise and truth. A joy to be around. After we talked a bit, I knew in my spirit that she was the one... and found out that she had been displaced from New Orleans, and was attempting to start over in Houston...and had just recently gotten a job at the clinic at the hospital complex. I told her that I had an amount of money that the Lord had me holding just for her...and that I would have it for her tomorrow.

So, we exchanged phone numbers, and I told her to meet me today (Friday)...and then, today, at lunch, I handed her the cash... She was making a trip today back to New Orleans...to see family...for the Easter weekend.

I don't know much else about her. Except that the Lord opened my eyes and hands. May the giver of the gift originally be blessed...and all the ones prior to that giving... until there is just one big circle of love and giving that explodes into a joyful celebration.... God is Good and His Kindnesses Extend to all generations!!!

Can you imagine that once upon a time, an original person gave a gift... then, because of being blessed by that gift, the receiver gives a gift...and then that recipient feels blessed and then gives a gift...until it cycles around and around....and the Lord is freshly blessed each time His gifts make it to new levels! It all started with the original gift giver!

Good night

Since our trip home from Thailand, even that very night, I found it hard to go to sleep. It felt to me as if when I'd relax, something terrible might happen. Maybe on the flight home, I pushed myself to stay awake a lot to take care of the rest of the group....because they all were falling asleep and missing their meals and flight attendant's offers of water, and they were all miserable (as was I). I forced myself to stay awake most of those 24 hours of airports/airplanes back to USA. But, I'm recognizing it tonight. Almost like a fear. A spirit of fear. I haven't totally realized it until now. I've found myself AFRAID to go to sleep! What a strange thing!

I hope to be able to go to sleep and truly sleep tonight. I've attempted to stay away from caffeine since this morning. I've not taken any naps. I've been quietly reading the past few hours.

Lord, please help me rest in You. Heal and hold me. Help me to rest in Your arms of peace. Don't let me continue to feel fear, because I know that fear is not of You. Help me to breathe out anxiety and to breathe in Your sweet sleep.

Selah, Pam.... Selah

together, at home and abroad...

It's been 3 months since I last blogged...and the past few weeks have been a blur.

We just got back (a week ago) from a mission trip to Thailand and I'm still finding myself trying to re-adjust. Going to the other side of the world causes one to stop and think about life the way it is. Why do we do what we do. What is important. Shouldn't we stop our busyness and spend time doing what is truly important?

While in Thailand, we spent a lot of time with family and with friends...fellowshipping and not worrying about work, not worrying about housework, not worrying about laundry, not worrying about meals.... We ate together 3 times a day and laughed a lot with one another. We taught others what we know. We were busy. John worked hard, but still seemed to be resting. We prayed for each other day in and day out. We basked in His love shared freely among His people...even though we didn't speak the same language. We enjoyed our children, each other. There wasn't a lot of time spent on the road. We stayed only a few miles from the church so most of our time was "together".

One day, when we are in our glorified bodies, we will be able to spend more quality time together like this... or, if we want to, we can listen carefully, and God will show us how to have more glorious times together on this earth in these earthen bodies. Bodies of dust.

Lord, take my earthen vessel - my jar of clay
Make me a minister in Your house
Your house in my house
Your house in my neighborhood
Your house in my town
Lord, somehow take what we have learned as we spent time in Thailand
and turn it around so that You will be glorified here in our town, in our church, in our home.

Your children on missions at home.

A missionary - one who is on a mission.

Lord, I am listening for the next assignment.

Open my ears with your gentle anointed swabs.

I will listen. I will obey.

Thank You Father, for what you will accomplish with the seeds we sowed in Thailand.
We have nothing except that it comes from Your Hand.
Blow the breath of Life on those seeds...
Blow the breath of Life on me

In this dry time
I call to You
and I know that You will answer

Touch my tears
Embrace my fears
Hold my heart
And never let me go

Take my jar
My empty bottle
My earthen vase
And fill me up and spill over onto those around me

My Guys

I love my two men...

They sit right now at the kitchen table, eating bean soup and cornbread...and talk and laugh. This brings such joy to my heart.

I love it when my people are happy...