First Year of Marriage

Mama PC

The first year we were married went very quickly. We stayed very busy working our jobs and at the church doing music. I was a secretary and co-director of a large child care center there at the church. John taught junior high classes at the private school. We both made approximately $1000 month - together... and were able to pay the rent and utilities along with buying approximately $50 worth of groceries for two weeks' time. Rent at that time for a 2 bedroom apartment was about $450/month. My car payment was $177/month for a '79 Honda Civic. This was in 1981.

We had a few more bills, but only a few. I do remember one of the first times we went shopping on a Saturday morning, that I wanted to stop at the Dairy Queen and get a coke...but John questioned me about it...saying we couldn't expect to stop and get a coke every time we went to the store... well, this was a tradition my mom and I had...so, we ended up a bit at odds about it. I think it was a bigger thing to me than to him. So, early on, I learned or chose to worry about spending too much...cause I was sensitive to John's tight-wadded-tendencies... We had enough money to pay our bills... but not much more... we never could save anything... so, he felt stressed that some day we may need more. Plus, it's wise to have an emergency fund. We did not have insurance at the time, but thankfully, after a few months, were able to get health insurance, but, of course, that added to the expenses. I'm babbling on...

Over the years, we had silent struggles about finances. I would want to spend. He would not want to spend... even though if I told him we needed something, he would go right out and buy the best! It was like HE was battling about it inside his own mind. He grew up in poverty. I grew up with everything I ever needed...just not extravagant. He grew up eating only popcorn for supper because that's all they had..and his family had to move because the bills weren't paid and they were evicted. He took on a great deal of responsibility as a young child, knowing that there was not enough in the home... and carried the worry with him into adult life. Thankfully he is now free of it... and walks in liberty!

I was thinking today of little Johnny Crouse, 5th grader, who had a PAPER ROUTE in Lubbock, Texas - back in 1960!!! He got up each morning early and rolled and wrapped papers and delivered them from a bicycle!!! He got the award of Paper Boy of the Year for that Newspaper, he said. So cute. You shouldda seen him. I'll have to find a pic of him... He was tiny! Short, little, black thick glasses. Blonde hair, parted on the side. High-waisted pants, not jeans. (He never wore a pair of jeans til after we were married and he was 30 years old in 1981!)

Anyway, today I started to review his past, and our past in regard to financial matters, and realized that it's a miracle we have come to the place of healing that we're in now as a couple. And as individuals.

This topic could go on and on... but, just know, that God is big enough to take care of the financial issues...as you give them to Him... and as you surrender your expectations (positive or negative) to Him... and allow Him to guide and provide.

Ok - more another time... and forgive the haphazardness of this post...

MY TRIBE FAMILY

Mama PC

Some Tribe Pics

Mama PC

my TRIBE

Mama PC

MY TRIBE

THE WEDDING - May 30, 1981

Mama PC

Well, I almost forgot to tell THIS part of the story.

My sisters had just married within the prior 18 months, so I wanted to make sure and not break the bank of my parents for my wedding. I found all kinds of used and broken things, repaired them, painted them...and picked roses from a neighbor's garden to decorate the platform. My PawPaw helped me to resolder a rickety candelabra set, we painted them white and wahlaa.... My mother altered my sister's wedding gown, and made a veil. John organized all the music, arranging, rehearsing and writing. I made silk flowers and arranged my corsage, along with baskets of flowers for my attendants. Oh, and my mother and grandmother and I made the wedding cakes the week before, then the day before, we decorated for hours! Everything was done very inexpensively and nicely. Simple, but it worked.

I don't remember much of the wedding rehearsal the night before. I do remember that I was glad John was no longer ill.

The morning of our wedding, I awoke with the realization that I hadn't bought a ring for my groom! (I had originally decided that this wasn't necessary, and John didn't seem to mind... but when it came down to it, I felt like it was important) So, I rushed to the mall, picked out a nice one, and took the claim ticket to a friend, for her to pick up when they were finished sizing it.

I got back home and my whole house was full of company. I could not even get into my own bathroom to get ready for my OWN WEDDING!

Finally, around 3:30 or so, all the relatives left, so I was able to spend some time alone, preparing for my wedding... our wedding. It felt strange doing everything for the last time in my parents' home, not knowing what to expect when I would become Mrs. John J.Crouse.

I remembered that a friend told me to focus on each moment and try to remember each thing that occurred, and I tried as best I could to do so. Time flew by.

John did an excellent job arranging the wedding music. He wrote several songs. We recorded them the week prior, and the whole wedding party, which were positioned on the floor were to move to the upper platform, facing out toward the audience as the music played. Between phrases of the song, the attendant would quote into a specially placed microphone a verse from I Corinthians 13. It was very well organized. The only problem was, that the sound man made a boo boo...and somehow rewound the cassette tape where the performance song was to be played from too far back...and what happened was like this....

The song started - with a lively introduction that had light keyboards and percussion and bass.....

"It takes God's love to be patient and kind...."

the music kinda did a "doodle-a-doo, da dooh, da dooh dooo.....not words, but instrumentally

and then all of a sudden, right out over the house speakers came one of the voices during the recording saying......

"WHAT ABOUT THE AIRCONDITIONER?!?!?!"

During the recordings, we started and stopped, and all of the attempts were STILL ON THE MASTER COPY and it ended up that DURING OUR WEDDING A DEFECTIVE ATTEMPT GRACED THE WHOLE AUDIENCE!!!!!!!!! It was a horrible thing to experience........ but, at that time, John and I were facing each other and we did just that.... we kept facing one another and smiling at one another. Never said a word. The minister ( my father ) finally left the stage and walked all the way back, up stairs, into the balcony and into the sound booth where he found the epitome of that short little stocky guy on The Munsters leaning against the sound booth wall CRYING.... anyway, somehow Dad got the tape back to where it should be.... and it started back up.... and we acted like nothing happened. What else could we do???

It was a long pause.

It was a lesson. A life lesson.

Life is not perfect. So, why should we have perfect weddings? It just prepared us in a very hard way to just go ahead and go with the flow. Learn what we can, make the best of what we have to work with.

We did learn to never have more than one copy of a song on a recording if ever using a sound track or recording for a wedding or other type of performance again.

I sang a song to John.... let me see if I can remember the words. I had chosen it from a collection of wedding songs... well, at this moment, I can't remember the song or words... so I'll have to enter it another time.

John wrote a song for me and sang it to me for the first time.

" I could tell you that I LOVE you....
That I'm always thinking OF you..
I could say that I adORE you....
All my life I've waited FOR you...

I could tell you of the dreams I've had
of building a life together
All the warm and rich and tender things we'll share...

But for all of this we would not know
That what we have will last...
Through unexpected sorrow
And winter's chilly blast
Warm feelings come and go
Life brings changes...
Things we cannot know....

It takes more than emotion
to build a life-time of devotion

It takes God's love
In our hearts....


Then, it went into the I Corinthians 13 song... that I referred to earlier.


Oh, John's reminding me of the song I sang to him...

"You are lovely in my eyes,
I love you and adore
...But my heart determines this:
I must love God more.
Though I love you oh so well,
I must love God more...

I'll love you where you're strongest
Your strength can help me stand
I'll love you where you're weakest
There I'll care
I'll help you there
and give your heart
a helping hand....

We can only be fulfilled
When we're filled with Him
For God alone can light our way
When the flame grows dim
For God is light and God is love
When the flame grows dim...

Our love may be deficient
Each to meet the other's need
We must borrow from God's plenty
For God is love
God is love, yes
God is love indeed.

HONEY MOON

Mama PC


We had the most interesting and wonderful honey-of-a- moon for the rest of our 25 years.... amen...

After we found some peanut butter crackers and cokes in Lawton Oklahoma, we began our nights and days together, enjoying one another and respecting our differences.... one day at a time.

Marriage is a commitment. I committed, he committed, God committed, we committed... Very interesting relationship marriage is.

Yes it's wonderful... and sometimes it's horrible... There are just so many things to work out... But, as I mature, I've realized that the not so good times are really times when I have a choice. To keep loving. To depend on God's love. He loves us and just wants what's best. And, as I lay down my desires, my demands, my dreams, my expectations.... and serve my man, the LORD rewards me gloriously.

Me and Papa JC are on our way now to a week-long trip where we'll enjoy each other and celebrate what God has given us and look forward to what next he will unveil.


Sat p.m. - flight to Seattle
Sun a.m.- train to Vancouver
Tues a.m. - ferry to Victoria
Thurs a.m. - ship to Seattle
Sat p.m. - flight home

Yahoo!!!

We love you all....

and the Honey Moon Continues...............

The IDES of January, February and March

Mama PC

Well, January 15 was the beginning of the end. February 15, was a totally depressing day. I just KNEW it would be KNOWN throughout the land (and in John's heart) that we should be together forever. Nope. So, the next few weeks went by uneventfully. I don't remember much. I'm sure we went to Denny's some nights. I'm sure we saw each other at church functions. It was a blur of depressing non-communicating, non-heart-to-heart, moonless and sunless days. I sure I made the best of things.

One Saturday in March, our church youth group were to pass out fliers for the next day's Sharrett Brothers Concert. I ended up in the same vehicle with John, with someone else driving, so I sat in the back seat beside him. Him on one side, and a teen girl with stinky armpits on the other. John tapped his fingers on his leg, and hummed pleasantly the whole time we were driving from parking lot to parking lot. After about two hours of the smell, the sounds and riding in a back seat, I was totally spent - I did not like doing what we were doing and I wanted to go home. I was irritable, tired, grumpy and hot. We finally finished, and John drove me home. No one was there, and we had a policy (in our family) about never having a guy and girl home alone, so John walked around back and sat by the pool with me. It was a lovely day and I should've been happy to have him there, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine. Nope. I was sick and tired of his noncommittal ways - his passivity. I was ready for this thing to be over. After about 15 minutes, John told me he was going to leave. Inwardly I was so glad. After he left, I went to my room, took out some notebook paper, and began planning my life WITHOUT John C. I was going to go back to college. I was going to get my own apartment. I was ready to quit waiting. Quit waiting for JC. It was over.

He told me later that he was feeling guilty about spending time with me without being able to make a commitment. He had been praying and fasting and seeking God for months, but never heard an answer. He was waiting for God to write it in the sky. But God would not do that.

He felt like it was wrong of him to "enjoy my company"..."enjoying being with" me but not be able to commit to me. So, he left that afternoon to go home and make a decision.

We had already made arrangements to eat at our friends' home that night, and we were supposed to bring the pizza. John drove to my house, picked me up, we drove to Pizza Hut, got the pizzas, then spent several hilarious hours with our friends. When we got back to my house late that night, it was raining very heavily. I had my family's garage door opener, and there was one bay of the garage not filled, so, we pulled his huge green bomb-of-a-car into the garage and sat with rear-end stuck out in the rain. A nice heavy rain. Within a few quiet moments, with me on the far side of the front seat, and he behind the steering wheel, he turned to me and said...

"If I had a ring, I'd ask you to marry me..."

I said, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A RING!"

Then, he quietly said, "Will you marry me?"

I knew I'd better respond quickly before he changed his mind.

"Yes! I'll marry you!" I said in a quiet but excited voice.

Then, he reached over and kissed me. Next, he said...

"Don't tell anyone".

So, that night, we kept our secret and I floated into my house wondering if I was in a dream.

The next day, I was floating on air... I did tell one friend the secret, but no one else knew.

That was at approximately midnight-thirty on MARCH 15, 1981!!!

So, the 15th of each of the first 3 months of that year were very significant!

The next Friday night, John and I went to his parents' home and told them of our engagement. They were NOT happy about it at all. They said it was nothing against me. They just knew it wasn't God's will for us.

John asked them what we could do to submit to them and what we could change. They had no comments and would not say anything else. It was a very strange and hard evening. After that, we told my parents and then the rest of the world we knew then.

We planned our wedding for May 30, the Memorial Day Weekend. He was teaching summer school, so this was the best time for him to take some days off. The wedding preparation days went quickly and we grew to love one another more and more. He still kept his distance, but I snuck a few kisses now and then. It grieved us both, but especially him, that his parents were not "for" the marriage. Here we were, both loving God so much, and trying to be honoring of them. But, they were just in a different world. We don't ever recommend others to go against their parents, but John was 29 years old, and I was 21. My parents blessed the union and our friends and church people also agreed. We had to go on. We wanted to go on. It was a type of individuation for John, who had always tried to please his parents and never go against anyone.

John was sick the whole week before the wedding. I think it was nerves. We had heard from his dad that his mom would not be attending the wedding. She had an excuse, but it broke his heart.

The day before the wedding, he helped me move my things into our new apartment, along side his...and we smiled at the thought that in less than a week we would return from our honeymoon to our own home. He had worked diligently on the music for our wedding.

Before we knew it, it was our wedding day! Bells in my heart rang loud and clear.
Here, we finally came to the day where I knew that I had caught him, and that he would be mine and I would be his forever after. We had a beautiful wedding ceremony, and had lots of friends and family all around us. We were both exhausted by the time the reception ended. We ran through the showers of rice (that ended up inside my undergarments) and ended up inside my dad's Cadillac. We had to step back out of the car, turn on the ac vents to let all the flour blow out (not into our faces) and wipe the Crisco off of the windshields before we could drive out. When we drove down the path away from the church, I found myself sitting way over on the passenger side with my right arm wedged against the door.

All of a sudden, I panicked! What was I DOING??? WHO WAS THIS OLD MAN I HAD JUST MARRIED? What have I done! Who WAS this man? Am I crazy!??? How could I just have gotten MARRIED???!!! The cans that were wired onto the back bumper helped camoflague my racing heart. What was I THINKING??? I didn't even KNOW this man!!!

John and Dad

Mama PC

My dad thought a lot of John. Sometime the first week or so of January, they had a talk, and on January 15, 1981, John and I were at Denny's and we had a wonderful discussion of what WAS God's will for us...and how were we to find it. Dad had encouraged John to spend time in prayer and fasting. We agreed to spend a week apart from each other. I was SO excited about the prospect of finding God's will once the 7 days were up. Seven, six, five, four, three, two... one, times up and poof....... no,... John still had no definite word. I did. I knew I wanted to be with him forever. He wasn't sure what God was saying. So, we talked again (at Denny's again) and on January 15, we again decided to break up, this time for a whole MONTH!

I worked in the office of a large child care center at our church. There were large glass windows and each time John would walk by (he worked at the Christian School) he would totally keep his face fixed on the hallway and his path and would not even let his eyes stray toward me to show me any attention or affection. HOW COULD HE BE SO C O L D ??? HOW COULD HE BE SO DETERMINED??? HOW COULD HE BE SO MEAN??? Those were my outright thoughts.... but deep inside, the realization-that-I-could-trust-him seeds were being planted... for this was a man who kept his word.

During that month, my old boyfriend Dion called and wanted to come visit me. I said, "sure"... cause he was my friend, and was special to me...and was paying attention to me. He came for a weekend, and on that Saturday, Dion took me to a choir rehearsal and sat in the audience while John directed the whole hour and a half. JOHN NEVER EVEN NOTICED that Dion brought me, sat there looking at us, and then took me home!!! I thought that was horrible! Maybe John wasn't my type after all.

For Valentines Day of 1981, Dion wanted to come pick me up and drive me to Tulsa to his Valentines Banquet...and asked me to sing there. I was very happy about going, but felt unsure whether or not I should go. I didn't want to hurt John, but then again, John didn't seem at all affected about me and my other interests. So, I agreed to go to the banquet. I had to go and tell John the weekend before that I wouldn't be there the next Saturday at a choir seminar. I did not tell him what I was going to be doing, or where I was going. He didn't act affected. But, I found out later that he was very upset, thinking I was going to be going to a V banquet with Susie's old boyfriend whom she had just broken up with. They both were very upset!

Anyway, I decided to drive myself to Tulsa. While there, the first night, after the banquet, Dion reached over to kiss me and I had to stop him. I just COULD NOT kiss him! It hit me - dawned on me - that no matter what - I LOVED JOHN and I would WAIT FOREVER for him and his love for me. I told Dion that I did not belong there, and that I would be leaving the next morning. I told him that I loved someone else. I never heard from him again.

I drove home, smiling and happy the whole trip home, knowing that when the month fast was over, John would be mine. When I got home, I met with him and he didn't say anything about "us". When the month was up, I just knew he'd found his answer. Nope. He said on Feb 15th that he still didn't know any answers from God about "us".

That was so sad...

NEW YEAR'S EVE -1980

Mama PC


I never talked about my relationship with John to my earthly father, but he was always sensitive to where his girls were emotionally. Around Christmas-time, my dad told me NOT to go out with John any more, that he was upset that John was "breaking my heart". I don't remember ever telling Dad that, nor did I mope around. My dad is a lot like me, in that he wants things to happen NOW... so, I think HE was getting inpatient with what was going to happen with John and Pam. Anyway, he told me NOT to go out with John any more.

New Year's Eve, John and I had plans to attend a New Year's service across town. He arrived at our house around 10 p.m. to pick me up, and I scurried out the door. Dad didn't notice me leaving because there was a huge airman's party going on, where at least 40 people were milling around our house.

I didn't tell John about Dad's command for me not to go out with him any more until we got half-way across town. As I saw the lit up cross on OUR church building, I just HAD to say something to John. When he heard that Dad was not in approval of our going out anymore, he IMMEDIATELY turned around his bomb-of-a-car and headed back to my house. I don't remember what happened after that... not that night anyway. But, the next few months proved quite interesting!

DECEMBER 14, 1980 * My 21st Birthday

Mama PC

On my 21st birthday, John came to my house with guitar case in hand. We sat in the kitchen and he began singing a song to me that he had written to me.

I wish I could find the words now. They've GOT to be somewhere in storage.

The title of the song was "Little Girl Woman" and was very interesting...

We sat on the kitchen counter and drank hot cinnamon tea and smiled at one another, as we always did.

Let me go back and tell you about our "dates". As we spent time together each evening after work, we found that we had very little in common. Very little to talk about. He was accustomed to analyzing people and spiritual matters. I was more into emotion and feelings and plans. He was more into looking backward and I was totally into looking at now and the future. So, we sat many hours looking into one another's eyes and smiling. We both lost lots of weight in those months of our smiling. We didn't eat much at night because when we'd go to Denny's, I didn't want to order much because I didn't think he had any money, so we just shared each night... nibbled and smiled... nibbled and smiled and drank our iced tea. We seriously had very little conversations. I know that sounds weird and not like what a relationship should be like, but that is how we were. We had very similar beliefs and foundations, but each came at life from totally different perspectives. I knew that I loved him. I knew that I wanted to marry him and live with him forever. He knew he felt strongly toward me, but knew that it wouldn't be easy to make a relationship like ours work. He was the realist. I was the optimist. We NEVER talked about marriage, or "us". We would just meet after work, and I'd get into his car and we'd go to Denny's. Then, he'd bring me back to my car, and we'd stand out in the summer breezes and smile for a while before I'd get in my car and go home.

One late summer night, when there was a full harvest moon and the cool dry late summer breezes were blowing across our faces, we stood between his huge '71 green Buick Centurion and my '79 Honda CVCC hatchback. I looked up at the glowing moon, and I said "I feel like our hearts are being knit together..." He looked at me blankly, then said, "I'd better be going now..." He quickly got into his car and left!!!

John's Song to Me

Mama PC

Here are the words I just remembered to the song he wrote to me in the fall of '80.

"Every day I think of Pamela Kay
She's always on my mind
No matter what I do or say
But if He ever says 'no"
I must be willing to let go
But He'll have to change the way
I think of Pamela Kay (hey heyyyy)

Pam I think I'm in love with you (oooh ooohhhh)
No one could affect me the way you do (ooh oohhhh)
But I'll have to leave it in the Master's Hand (ann annd)
...(words not remembered...) His perfect Plan........

That's the words of his heart to mine in his first song to me.

ACT TWO - Scene 5

Mama PC

SO...

John had his guard up against any kind of romantic relationship with me. Then he relaxed in God's peace that encouraged him to just be friends.

So, after that first real phone conversation (on May 26, 1980) each time we saw one another, after church, he'd stop on the way out the door and say "we really need to get together some time"...and we'd shake hands for a very long time, grinning widely at one another. That was it. He NEVER would ask me out or call or anything. Now, I'm was an inpatient type of girl...and these days and weeks were just too long for me! But, trying to be proper, I refused to make any more calls to him. And of course, I couldn't ask him out!

Several weeks later, he found out that I would be leaving for a week to be a kids' camp counselor. He sneakily found out the address of the camp and on my 3rd day there, I received a letter! All it said was that he "knew it would be fun to get a letter at camp"... and at that time, I rejoiced in knowing that at least he was thinking of me. Deep inside I knew that I loved this man called John Jacob Crouse. I was floating on clouds.

The next week, my sister and brother-in-law (old boyfriend) must've figured out that we were affected by one another, and they invited us both over after church for a meal. John came to me and offered me a ride "since we're both going to the same place". So, that was June of 1980. We began seeing one another almost every night for the next few months, walking in front of my home in the cool night breezes or going to Denny's for iced tea, cottage cheese and fruit.

One night, (can't remember when), I reached up and kissed him straight on the mouth. He was a bit shocked and reserved, not wanting to take advantage of a younger girl, especially a girl he wasn't sure he wanted to commit to. You know his parents did not approve of me. He was 28 and I was 21. He believed strongly that you should never tell another that you loved them until you were sure you were ready to propose, and definitely not kiss until marriage. Well, I snuck a few kisses in there and he never lingered... I was always a bit miffed that he wouldn't kiss me...but, because I had been around enough to see the guys that would be too demonstrative, his reticence to start any type of physical relationship PROVED to me that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. Because he loved me, he held back. That meant a lot to my inner self. His self-control ministered to my heart. And it made me all the more in love with him.

Late Summer of '80, he still made no mention of love or marriage...and I was ready for a commitment. But, I couldn't tell him that. You know, the propriety thing. That fall, he came in to my house, guitar case in hand, and a BRIGHT green sweater on and he had me learn the back-up parts of a song he had just written. After I learned the back-up vocal parts, he began the song....

Strum strum strum strum....

"Hey, Pam I think I'm in love with you.... (my part -ooh ooh)
No one else could affect me so... oh oh
But I'll have to leave it in the Master's hand ..ann ann
....la la la....... His perfect plan"

(we both have forgotten all the words now, but I tell you when I started singing the back-up parts and hearing him say he thought he loved me in a song nearly knocked me off of my feet! what a surprise!!!!)

*****Now, if you're reading this, let me know if you're listening and enjoying this tale of love... I'm expecting a post before I write any more!***

btw, i still have that bright green sweater of his...

Me, at age 18

This picture was taken at the Surprise Going away party.

Fourth Scene - Why so Upset?

Mama PC

Let me go back a few years. (From John I get my information. His sister backs it up.) The first time I had a chance to hang out with John and two of his siblings (at Bill's apartment) we had a really great time laughing and telling stories. That evening, traveling home after laughing and cutting up with me, John and Susie commented on how cute they thought I was and fun to be around. This was when I was 18. But, secretly, in his heart, John liked me, but knew that we weren't suited for one another. Plus, I was dating Bill.

As the months went by, Susie actually had a strong interest in Bill, and felt like SHE was supposed to marry him! Yes, you heard that right. He led her on when he had the chance and she felt like I was pulling him away from her. She was the one who gave me a going away party when I left for college in August of 1978.

On the other hand, John, Susie, Charles and their parents were in agreement in saying that "Pam was bringing down the youth pastor"! They actually made judgements about me but didn't even know me on a personal level. I was talked about in their home in the years 1978, '79 and thereafter, I'm sure.

So, for John to all of a sudden have romantic attraction to me went against all he stood for and all his family stood for. It angered him. He says that he had his guard up, even. When he tells his story, he actually holds his fingers out like he's forming a cross to ward off a vampire!

He did not and could not have a relationship with me other than a mentor or older brother.

Act Two - Scene Three - HIS thoughts

Mama PC

Go back to May 25, 1980 - John's thoughts that day were revealed to me over the next several years...and I will try to share what he said was going on in HIS mind... John's mind, that is...

John was at church that Sunday morning, and was playing bass guitar during the worship service. He said that during the worship, he kept being distracted by the thought of me! After worship, he came down and sat down on the left side of the auditorium, where he always sat and found himself wondering where I was sitting. This made him very upset with himself. After church, he went to his parents for lunch and found he was so upset, that he wouldn't even eat! In his words, he just sat in a chair and "stewed" the whole afternoon. He reasoned that he had not tried to have romantic thoughts or feelings toward this girl and had not done anything to cause them to happen. He finally got to a place of peace with God about it and says he put the whole matter into God's hands. That night at church he was able to worship freely and not be so "affected" by me.

ACT TWO Scene Two - "OUR FIRST TALK"

Mama PC

John came to the phone. The conversation went very much like this...

JC - Hello
PH - Hi!
JC - How are you?
PH - I'm good. How are you?
JC - Well, I'm okay now.
PH - What do you mean?
JC - Well, yesterday I found myself strangely romantically attracted to you, and I didn't want to be, but now I'm over it and everything's okay.
PH - (confused) Oh, okay.
JC - Yes, I think that possibly God has brought us together so that I can be your friend and possibly so that we can talk about things. Like I can be like an older brother or mentor.
PH - (to self... This is the weirdest man I've ever met...) (Cheefully) oh, okay! that sounds good. I would like that!

We agreed to 'get together sometime' before we said our goodbyes, and that was the end of the conversation.

I got off the phone not knowing WHAT to think of him. He was very weird in my opinion, but I was strangely drawn to him...the sweet man he was.

Still couldn't tell anyone...

ACT TWO Scene One Begins * April 1980

Mama PC

This strange man, by the name of John, started attending our church again, and each time a service was over, he would be one of the last to leave, after visiting with folks in the auditorium. I usually stood in the foyer to say goodbye to everyone, so when he came toward the door, he would smile...I would smile...we would shake hands (after he sat his briefcase down on the floor) and stay in that hand-shaking position for entirely too long after EVERY service for weeks! And we had three services per week! We didn't know what to say to one another. He would usually say something like "we need to get together sometime" in the musical way he usually talks with a twinkle in his eye.

I was smitten by this man. I still couldn't tell anyone.

In early May, I rode with some college friends to a wedding, and I thought of JC the whole day.

Memorial Day 1980 came around, and I (smartly) attended an airmen's swimming party at a friend's house. She and I were the only young girls at the party with 20-ish 18-24 year old young men! How stupid could we get!?! I stayed away from the guys, climbed up on the top of a storm cellar, and dreamed of JC all afternoon. I burned to a pulp! Got my shower, and drove to the church where my brother-in-law the youth pastor was showing the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA to the youth group. I was supposed to be there to chaperone. I found myself in the office of the day care, wanting to call JC on the phone...

Misery. I was sunburned from head to toe... but worse than that... I was wanting to talk to this strange and mysterious man! But, it wasn't proper to call a man, was it? He was much older than me, and from a different generation where propriety was held in high esteem. Should I call him? The answer was "no". But, I COULD call his sister, though, couldn't I???

I looked up the phone number, dialed it before I chickened out, and Susie answered the phone. She and I talked about 10 minutes about who knows what. I had known her in the past. She actually had been in a pseudo relationship with BILL several years prior (while he and I were supposedly together!) She's the one that sent me off to college with a bon voyage party...possibly celebrating the fact that BILL would be all hers now... (Susie and I are actually very close friends now and laugh about our young years.)

Finally, Susie asked me... "would you like to talk to John?" Don't ask me how she knew this, but I guess perceptive people perceive, so my prayer was answered, without me having to ask to speak to John. This was May 26, 1980. I said, "SURE!"...

ACT TWO Scene One

Mama PC

If you haven't read all
the prior scenes that were
actually ACT ONE, please
go back and read them...



Please take your seats.


The lights are about to go down.


The story will begin to unfold in just a few moments.



(Instrumental music swells as the lights go down)

Scene Six

Mama PC

The next month (after Bill and I broke up) was very difficult. We had patterns. We had routines. We had him needing me and me not knowing how to just turn off the relationship. Well, God had a plan. The first part of the plan, was to have those associate pastors speak to us and bring us to the truth. The second part of the plan was to use the April 10, 1979 tornado in Wichita Falls, Texas. One of the associate pastor's homes was totally ruined, so my father asked that family to MOVE IN TO our home until they could rebuild. That effectively put a hedge around me, where Bill could no longer come over and where I was reminded on a daily basis of my own commitment to break up with Bill and he with me. (Bear with me on this boring part of the story... it just helps you to know where I came from.)

Did I ever tell you that Bill was brother to the bass player in Petra back in the late 70's, early 80's?

Did I ever mention that John and Bill were friends?

In May, the associate pastors and my father asked Bill to leave our church, and he moved to Oklahoma City. He continued to call me almost nightly.

Meanwhile, I continued to work as secretary at a CPA firm, then moved onto a Mercantile Financing Institution and dated several other guys. One a traveling minister from New Mexico who thought he was God's gift to women. Another, a hispanic guitar player (in a Christian band) named Zenon who would not communicate with me intellectually and later I wondered if it had to do with the fact that before he was saved, he was heavy into drugs. I never got to ask him that.

This was the summer of 1979. My sister, 11 months younger than me was to marry, and I wondered what was wrong with me that I hadn't found a guy to marry yet. It was a very dark time for me. I dated guys, but none of them were who I really wanted. I could not, would not settle with one, just so that I could be married. Bill came for Janet's wedding in August. He was a jerk, and I finally realized it.

Within 3 months, my youngest sister married one of my old boyfriends... and left me an old maid at age 19!!! I also helped with her wedding, and felt a dark cloud of depression on me, especially during the reception.

(The old boyfriend she married, Mike, was my first boyfriend...and he had also dated my other sister. Just wanted to add this funny twist to my memoires...)


Yes, I was an old maid at nineteen years of age!

December came to our home, and my sisters were gone. My parents were working many hours. I remember one sad night that the realization hit me, that if ANYONE was going to put a Christmas tree up in our house, it was going to be me. So, I drove, alone, to a tree lot and bought a tree, then brought it home and decorated it all by myself. It was a very dark December.

That year, my twentieth birthday, my brother-in-law Mike asked me to help with the Christmas production by painting the set in the balcony of the church. I just knew that my family must've been planning a party, so I cheerfully made my way up to do my volunteer work.

I painted all night. All alone. I kept thinking someone, anyone, would pop in and either surprise me for my birthday or at least pick up a paintbrush. Twenty years old and alone on my birthday night...painting a set for a Christmas play. I cried. I cry now just thinking about it. How could anyone be so callous as to not even remember their own daughter's birthday, especially when she didn't have friends or a boyfriend. Oh, did I mention that all my friends at the church were married? Well, I chose not to pity myself, but again I say, it was a hard year.

For New Years Eve of 1979, I decided to go visit a friend in Neosho, Missouri. I had met her at college the year before. She was a riot! She expected me on December 31. Meanwhile, I heard about a PK (preacher's kid) retreat in Duncan, Oklahoma and decided I would attend the weekend before.

There, I met a wonderful man, named Dion... he was a preacher, a children's pastor who was part of a children's t.v. ministry, and a rodeo calf roper!!! Also a doll! Sparks flew and we had a whirlwind relationship and I almost decided against going to visit my girlfriend in Missouri, but at her insistance, I traveled up there, missing Dion terribly!

I spent much time over the next 5 months writing and receiving mail and phone calls from Dion, Mike from New Mexico and Zenon...and none of them knew that the other ones existed. Oh, and there was a local guy as well, who took me out several times. I liked these guys, and felt special when they paid me attention, but if you had asked me if they were the one that was right for me and the best for me, I would have to say "no". One weekend, I remember several were in town at the same time and wanting me to make plans. I had to say "no" to the one from New Mexico...and he got very very angry with me. Hung up the phone...then later, called me back and said, "One day you are going to be VERY SORRY!!!". I laughed and laughed over that one. I realize then, that he was very serious about me. I had no clue! But, I knew he wasn't for me. Zenon already knew that he wasn't for me... he was always very polite and actually did not pursue me. Dion got busy with all of his rodeos and ministry events and college graduation that spring, so we didn't spend much time together.

In April of 1980, John and his brother and sister walked into church one Sunday. They came up and sat in the row right in front of me. I could not take my eyes of of those long sideburns. I was 20 years old. He was 28.