One Picture

Lindsey's wedding was one of my favorite celebrations ever! What a bunch of love spilling out over everyone!!!

The day after the wedding, Papa and I took off work and rested most of the day..........We sat on the couch or love seat and talked and talked about how fun and meaningful and beautiful everything and everyone was on the special day..... how everything came together because so many people offered help and showed their love.

There are some pictures posted on other blogs..... one day I'll post more here.

I am thankful for friends and family........ Thankful to God for all He has done...

So, now life needs to settle down a bit.....

We've been on the fast track since.... well.... since..... forever...... but racing amazingly faster since April 2008!

And now we have a "Tharpe Sprout"...a little "Beh-bee" growing inside our Lindsey in Jinja, New Ganda!

Enjoyed time with the Heil clan this past week and will post pictures soon....i have so many pictures from visits with Aunt Norma in OKCity in March, April and her funeral in May....also a few of Lindsey and Brian between engagement and before they left the country.... hardly any wedding pictures yet....at least not on my camera.... but, I need to download the camera... then a few at the Lake trip last week..... the camera is full... as is my heart....

In love with my family, my friends, and especially my Lord, who makes all blessings flood down on me.....

Time Flew

Well, Linds has married and flew the coop to her New ganda - Uganda....

I must honestly say that I am happy for her, for them....and know that they are where they need to be and want to be... where God has planned for them to be at this time in their life together... I can't wait to hear and see more... The trips I've taken to South Africa and Thailand have prepared me for what I can imagine they are involved in, and I am at peace with them there.

John's sister Norma died last week after a lengthy fight with Ole Cancer.... I still must say that I don't believe she's gone... but, then again, I know she is free from this old life...and free to fly with her Savior into heavenly realms and to be one with Him... so, I, though I still don't believe she's gone from here, am at peace with her being gone. Does that make sense?

The past few days, since we got back from the funeral in Oklahoma City, I've found myself almost "weepy"... I know it has to do with Lindsey leaving so quickly after marriage and Norma's home-going....plus the let-down after wedding plans plus the standing by while Linds packed and unpacked and repacked.... then helping that last morning.... Then taking them to the airport on Tuesday - then driving to OkCity that same night to be with John's sister's family to prepare for her funeral.... I've lost my daughter and a sister-friend....

I am giving myself the chance to weep - knowing that nothing is truly "wrong" with me.... but that my emotions are finally catching up... yes, you can pray with me or for me during this time... perhaps I need distracting... I keep thinking I should be "doing" something... but nothing seems worth doing.... nothing sounds fun... everything sounds dull or worthless to "do"... i think, well, i'll just go to sleep, but even that seems boring.... i must be what they called "depressed"...although in my heart and mind, I know that I'm okay and that everything is okay. Does that make sense? Depression doesn't have to be a bad state. Just a time when things that were all in a whirl and hoopla settle down and fall down to a reality-state.... when things settle can sometimes seem sad.... but, when in fact, are a time when I am getting rest.... I am glad to have time to rest and re-group and re-focus and re-..... member..... remember the days I had with my daughter.... the days I had with Norma - my sister-in-law....

I'm talking here because I have trouble verbalizing my feelings about this. My husband just looks at me when I tell him "I'm weepy". I don't want to worry my friends or family. I just want to express.... and cry..... and rest..... and just "be".... for a little while.... okay????

My baby son will turn 21 on Monday - now.... I'm getting old, don't cha think??? :-)

Soon grandbabies will be on the way.... and I look forward to it, whereever they are born :-)

Don't worry about me.... I'm truly fine
I have God's blessing on my life and His hand holding mine....
I will rest for just a while
While He carries me through
And then, before I know it....
He'll have more things for me to do!

I think cinnamon toast sounds good for dinner.....

and now.... you've seen a side of me that hardly anyone gets to see.... a fragmented discussion where I reveal the various ways my mind thinks.....

more later

Time Flies

Time flies and look at my blog picture! It looks like I still haven't wound down from all the hurrying and scurrying I did last year. (Actually, I can't make the pic go away)

I will post again, but am waiting til dust settles since we moved (Oct 26) into our new home....

No, the boxes aren't all unpacked.

Come see me!

Sticker-Patch to Field of Flowers

This was a creative writing project I wrote in November 1998 while at Montgomery College as I completed my prerequisites for Nursing School. It amazes me to look back and see what I was thinking and going through even nine years ago. I'm in awe of how much God has been maturing me and turning my vision as He heals me and fuels me as I keep my face toward His. Step back in time with me and listen to the heart of a woman stepping forward into the next stages of her life...

My World

November 1998

My books and writing implements

Computer and modem attached to telephone

Connect me to friends and associates

Near and far

Connecting with others

Alike and different

To discuss, to laugh, to work, or to complete common goals

My writing informs

Puts into concrete form what is nebulous in mind

For further perusal and thought

To analyze what is real and what is confused

To come to a greater understanding of

How mixed up I really am

Coming and going to religious meetings

Of service and tradition

Are shaken oil and vinegar together

Never joining completely in my mind

But heels dragging, performing with trust

That usefullness will occur from my works

Showing the lost ones love

As I serve and show them the Way

My heart and spirit strive to soar with God

Above this sticker-patch called life

Waiting for the time we can be together

Biding time by seeking His face

Communing day by day

Enjoying His presence when

With transparency, I pray

Thanks Honey

Thanks, John, for the day in Galveston in 1994. We had a blast, didn't we???

But, more than that, thanks for marrying me.... knowing that we would be so different and would go through hard time.... but also saying that you couldn't imagine living the rest of your life without me...

Look what God has given us!!! Three lovely miraculous works of God!!! Thank you so much for being my "partner in parenthood".

I couldn't a done it without cha!

;-)

Jeremiah John - 5th Grade - State of Texas Project

Jeremiah John -


What you thinkin' on???


Did you know that when dad wrote your song, back in 1987, that he actually wrote more than one verse? The 2nd verse has been hidden (accidentally) all of these 20 years! We sang the first (and only verse we knew) over and over to and with you as you were a little baby man... and you brought so many smiles to our hearts! Some day the other verse/s will be found...they're hidden away in one of dad's files. I saw it recently...and it gave me hope!!! There are good words!!! J.... words full of life, hope, healing, worth, purpose and truth.... and they were written with YOU in mind!!!


We had longed for you for several years before you were born. We knew that God would give us a son. We just knew. And then, in New Mexico, we found out you were on the way!


When the nurse brought you to me the day you were born, when I looked down at you in my arms, all I could see was MY dad! You were a little "Happy" man... in a soft blue blanket. No teeth, no hair.... with a Heil face!!! So sweet!! I shouldda known then that you'd take after Happy's side of the family. We couldn't decide for sure on your name until after you were born. We knew it had to be a manly and Godly name. A name full of meaning. It was on your second day of life, I think, that Dad and I agreed that you would be called Jeremiah John.


It just seemed the right name for you, our baby boy. Several weeks later, your name was confirmed when a friend of our family, a princess from Africa, sent us a letter, that was dated on the day you were born, saying that we should name you J J Crouse, maybe John, Josiah or Jeremiah... and she also sent a $50 check for us to buy you your first suit to preach in. She prophecied that you would be a preacher! And when she wrote the letter and mailed it, she hadn't even heard that you were born!


I'm not sure that you will ever stumble across my blog, but I had to write to you. You have been such an interesting and wonder of a person to us. What a creative genious! And a tender, sensitive but gutsy guy!


This letter will have to be continued at a later time....


because your story continues.... and I cannot wait to hear the end of it..... and I know that it will be a good story....


Just know that you are loved beyond measure by a God Who knows you well and loves you still...

and also loved by your dad... and also, this mom

love,


your ever-lovin' ma

Hannah Elizabeth - Full of Mercy and Grace

Full of Mercy and Grace.... but, also a warrior daughter of God.


Hannah! Where did you come from???

I still remember the night before you were born. I felt strongly impressed to write you a letter. BEFORE you were birthed. I wrote how I felt you were a very strong, but very gentle being who would bring great joy. I just knew that you would be gentle, but persistent.

God gave you as a GIFT to this family. We are so blessed to call you ours.

Hannah, you'll never know how blessed we are to hear you singing and worshiping in your room. To know that you love the same God we do. To know that you are willing to live a little differently than most people your age so that you honor Him.

We are truly in awe of the gift of songwriting God has given you. The messages that seem to flow naturally out of your heart, mind, heart, voice and fingers ring true to all who hear them! Singer, sing on! Player, play on! Praiser, praise on!

I'll start calling you the Minstrel Maiden

and I hear you saying, "awww Mom...."

Oh, and thanks for reminding me how to practice "TOUGH LOVE". (not your words, but mine)....

You're a very wise young woman....and I'm so glad to have you as my daughter!!!

I love you dearly, Hannah....

Marmy

Ok, LindCee - I will go ahead and post a new blog, since you requested one...

Hello Dott, ...

Well, it seems I have so much going on in my mind that it's hard...no, difficult to come to any semblance of order in which to write it all down. But, then, I remember, that by writing, sometimes sense is made....and things are revealed... So, I shall write...
Time flies. It seems most of my life is taken up with getting up and going to work, then coming home. I'm tired all of the time. But, I've found, that as I present my needs to God, and write down what I'm going through, and write down a plan that He gives, and as I activate the plan, I start doing better.

The plan He gave last month (for the 32nd time) was to 1) eat more fresh veggies and fruits several times daily, 2) take a good stress-formula vitamin, 3) exercise 3 times a week, 4) cut back on stimulants like caffeine and sugar. And, as I have done these practical things, I've felt mucho better. Oh, and 5) go to sleep much earlier than the habit has become.

This doesn't seem very structured.... but, when talking mother to daughter, it's okay to wander around a bit.

Have I told you how much I love you and admire you? You have been such a joy in me and your dad's lives.

I remember when we first found out you were HERE inside me... I was so sick with excitement, I could hardly eat! And just now I remember one day, when you were about 17 months old...and I was driving down a country road, and I noticed a certain something-or-other along the drive...and before I had a chance to even say anything to you, you mentioned it to me! You were very mature as a baby. We were talking and communicating when you were quite young. Looking back, it seemed you and I were on the same wave-length a lot. We had/have a lot in common....even though you have a lot of your dad's qualities as well.

Dad and I would sing in the car, and we could hear you singing along at 11 months of age! In your car seat, in the backseat, we could hear your little baby voice SINGING ALONG! on the right notes!!! we smiled and then, i told Dad to sing the phrases, but to leave off the last word... and sure enough, you would sing with us...and then.....as we held our voices.... you would SING OUT THE RIGHT NOTE and SOUND! wow... we were impressed!

It's been quite a journey. We all have learned a lot as we participate in what is called FAMILY. Thank you for being patient with me and Dad. Thank you for speaking up as you've grown...and pressed us on to more God-likeness. Pressed us to be more communicative... Pressed us to express love and mercy. Pressed us gently to value the strengths in each other.

Do you remember the time in the Walmart parking lot, when you were about 3rd grade? You were out a bit in front of me, walking toward the store entrance and you happened to look to the side and saw a man verbally abusing a boy beside their car? How it crushed you! You RAN back to me, crying and grieving horribly. I knew then that you would be used majorly by God to reach out to and be a healing balm to hurting people... that God had given you a gift of mercy and that God would use you in people's lives.... people who are hurting... people who have been hurt.

I admire your search for God's heart. Your daily devotion. Your fresh look at His words and His world.

Have I ever told you that I have been impressed by your faithfulness to God's Word? You have actually inspired me to read the Bible more and to find the special nuggets, lines, truth words that you value so much. Thank you for being disciplined in that way. I don't know where that came from.... you were raised with such un-disciplined parents when you were young. Maybe you NEEDED such discipline that you actually found a way to make structure in your life. I am thankful for others in your life that helped you form habits and routines... for instance, the daily ritual at Lifestyle where you were required to write a Journal on each school day. I think that was a good thing, looking back. Haven't you been writing almost every day since then?

And I am thankful for the time you spent in Bible Quiz. It's amazing to me what impact that has on people! Memorizing the Word of God at an early age. WHAT LIFE SEEDS!!!

This letter is to you, my warrior baby... the one who wars for love, wars for healing, wars for justice, wars for truth....

I look forward to the next few years as we see how things unfold between "your man" and you. God is an All-Knowing One - and He has good things lined up for you both. I think you've found someone quite special.

Okay, I will close this short letter now. There are so many other things on my heart to say, but this is enough for now. One day, when I'm a Pammaw and you're a Mommy and I don't have to work quite so many hours... we can talk more face to face. I can't wait until those days....

Maybe I'll see you on I45 sometime....

I love you!!!

Dott's Marm

Have you heard 'THE CALL'???

Many thousands of believers joined in Nashville on 07.07.07 and I believe much was accomplished in the spirit realm that one day soon will be evidenced.

Your Kingdom Come Your Will be Done

On earth as it is in Heaven


Lord, as we lay our lives before You
Please pick us up and use us to impact the Nation
To reach the world - abroad and around us
To touch the broken and to bring healing
To the little ones and the aged
To the widows and the orphans
To the thirsty and the tired
The poor and diseased
Use our hands as gloves that You have slipped Your Hands into
To touch the lonely
To comfort the grieving
To reach the lost